semi automatic

nineteen

˗ˏˋ ★ 'ˎ˗

his stomach was starting to ache. the familiar tightness made its home in his chest again. he couldn't get his mind straight. he hated that he had just gotten her back and had to leave her again. he didn't have the same malevolence towards the world as he did before. a few months ago, he would've been fine leaving her, she meant nothing to him months ago. but, things have changed since then, he's changed.

he doesn't have the same outlook on the world as josh does. not anymore. 

his stomach was in knots as he sat on the couch of his and josh's shared apartment. he wanted nothing more than to sprint out and go back to y/n, but he couldn't. he didn't want to deal with josh's insults and his scowl.

tyler sat on the couch. his nails were digging into his palm, leaving crescent shaped indents on his skin. he could feel his features contort into a look of distaste, maybe even fear. however.. this is josh, his best friend for years. why should he be fearful of him. tyler hasn't had anything to be fearful of since he met josh. josh always took care of him.

then why is the pit in my stomach becoming heavier and heavier, he thought.

he hissed as his nails pierced his skin. he brought them from where they were hidden under his thighs, and sighed at the sight. his palms littered with deep red indents, some even bleeding. he watched as the small amount of blood beaded from the cut of his nails. he could hear josh coming from down the hall and quickly wiped his hands on his jeans.

his lips twitched in anticipation as josh neared the living room, "finally, you're here." he heard josh speak in an undertone of annoyance. tyler looked down at his hands, his palms stinging a bit. "so, what was so important that you fucked up a job for us?" josh asked as he made his way in front of tyler.

the younger man refused to look up. instead, he found his stinging hands rubbing back and forth on his jean cladded thighs more interesting. the roughness was something he could focus on, the muted pain better than josh's malevolence. he had never really been in this situation before and didn't know how to feel. he felt uncomfortable, not used to josh showing him this side of himself. 

he shrugged one of his shoulders and chanced a glance at the man. he felt as if he was being scolded by a parent. the pit in his stomach becoming worse. he could feel the back of his neck start to sweat as his heart felt lodged in throat. 

"had to go see someone." tyler muttered as he started to fiddle with his fingers. picking at a hangnail, gently pulling at it.

josh looked at him with hardened eyes. his tongue came up to run across his teeth, a tell sign that he as annoyed. josh knew where he went. he shook his head as his hands rested on his hips.

"was it that girl?" he asked quietly. "the one you terrified, the one that you stalked?" josh started to list off everything as if it were a question.

tyler squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head at josh's words. they were true, they disgustingly true but he didn't want to admit that to anyone, especially josh. not in the state he seemed to be in now. tyler's breath was starting to get heavier. the feeling in his stomach– the knots, the pit, everything.. was becoming worse.