Diligence [H.S.]

SIX

Chapter Song: Death By A Thousand Cuts

by Taylor Swift

...

HARRY STYLES

My vision blurs as I disassociate on the now-closed bathroom door. I've never been more grateful to be in a loud environment than I am right now.

Talia says my name again.

Every part of me knows how much of a hypocrite I'm being at this moment. I'm here with someone. So is she. Why can't I breathe? Maybe it's because I had the decency to leave almost a foot of space between the woman I'm with, and I've just watched her pull someone into the bathroom for a quick fuck. I can't think straight after seeing that.

My skin begins to itch at the mere thought of someone else hands on her. Touching her in ways that I should be...that I want to be. No one else knows her the way I do, physically and emotionally. The same way no one else knows me the way she does. I may lack confidence in most aspects of the discussion of our relationship, but even now, I know that is true.

I know my feelings for her are unresolved, but I would do anything to turn back time and find a way to ensure that image is never placed inside my head. I should have looked at Talia and had my head turned away so I didn't see them pass by. I shouldn't have been so distracted that I was able to point out her laugh in a crowd. I shouldn't have come here. I should have taken that red-eye flight and never turned back.

"Harry," Talia repeats a bit louder.

I finally snap out of my trance and blink to diffuse any tears attempting to pool above my waterline.

It feels like my heart has been torn out of my chest and carelessly tossed onto the ground. She walked past me for the first time in seven months, watching me bleed out across the floor, and didn't bat an eye. She didn't notice me.

I clear my throat, "We should go."

"What?" She asks, confused.

From her perspective, the sudden shift in my mood has come out of nowhere. She knows I was recently out of a serious relationship when we met, but nothing more.  She doesn't know enough to recognize Andrea the way I can. I'd be an idiot to try and hide it considering the photographs that were all over the internet of me openly being in a relationship before her.

"You were right," I say grimly, "This place is shit."

It's not. Just minutes ago I found myself loving this place.

"I-It's not that bad," she attempts to boost my mood. She assumes she has done something wrong and is trying to fix it. It's not her fault, but I don't have it in me to explain that. She flicks her eyes between mine, "Let's just order another drink."

I shake my head and turn away from her to avoid her eyes, but I'm immediately drawn to Indi as the worry previously on her face has only worsened.

She has her phone up to her ear, and her finger plugs the opposite ear to hear whoever she's talking to better. Her eyes stay glued to the bathroom door, and an uneasy sensation causes my skin to itch.

I glance at the door, and I have the urge to knock on the door to interrupt them. I could say I needed to use the restroom and didn't see someone walk in just moments before.

No. Don't fucking do that. I know why I really want to interrupt them.

"Just wait here," Talia says while starting to slide out of the booth, "I'll get you another tequila."