Life at sixteen

Sixteen

I don't know how,
but I'm still here.
I guess my thoughts were wrong,
the world didn't end when I was sixteen.

I lived through the dark days of fourteen,
past the days I would worry about test scores,
past the days I would sob alone in my room
comforted by my stuffed bear whilst longing
for him to tell me everything would be ok,
past the days of relentless wake up; school, eat, sleep cycles,
past the days I felt there was no espace but to have my life end.
Who would've thought,
that the world wouldn't end at fourteen.

I made it through the days of fifteen.
Learning how to love myself,
meeting new people who aren't so scary
after all,
growing into my teenage body,
realizing that my heartbeat didn't need to stop
at the adolescent age of fifteen.

Sixteen came around quite fast.
Friends became strangers,
no one thought that would happen.
My favorite color changed,
I liked green now.
I also liked my middle name,
that's a new one.
The minor changes which are so small,
yet mean so much.

My childhood self would be proud.
Proud of the person I am today,
amazed at the knowledge I now know,
grossed out at the fact I've had a boyfriend...
for two and a half years.
It's sad to think she wouldn't recognize me now,
with blonder hair,
straighter teeth,
scars on my arms.
Who would've thought i'd also be telling her
I wear skirts now.

Fortunately the world carried on
past the age of sixteen.
I got to see perfect sunsets,
filling the empty sky with exotic colours.
I've been traveling,
seen artists I've always admired,
gotten new pets,
and met my favorite people.
My sixteen year old self would be proud,
knowing that this is her life now.

The world didn't end when I was sixteen.
I made friends who I share lunch with.
We barely have convocations
without bursting into laughter,
struggling to breathe,
clenching each others arms tighter.
Anytime spent with them
makes my little life worth living.

The world didn't end when I was sixteen,
even though some days I wish it did.
I'm not saying my life is perfect now,
as a human I have tried my best.
But the world didn't end when I was sixteen,
so I can keep trying.

So I will keep trying.

-K