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THE LOST MAFIA SISTER

Character Introduction and Character Development:  8/10

The character introductions in the first chapter are well done, particularly the one for the father. Including the characters' backgrounds and emotions helps readers connect with them. I suggest adding emotional introductions for each character, where we get to know how they feel about certain things. This can be an effective way to deepen readers' understanding and attachment to the characters. 

Regarding character development, it's clear that it's still a work in progress in your story. However, I can already see the emotional attachment that the characters have towards their sister. Jungkook's immediate forgetfulness of his worries upon meeting his sister also shows a strong emotional connection. These are positive signs of character development and potential for further growth as the story progresses. 

I think it looks good! Keep exploring the emotions and motivations of your characters as the story unfolds, and I'm sure their development will continue to shine. Great job so far!

Grammar and Vocabulary:3/10

The plot and the story is so perfect but the grammar makes it difficult to read what the characters are trying to say . Or who is telling what. There are a lot of spelling mistakes and punctuation missing.

Using quotation marks ("") for dialogue is my suggestion! It helps to clearly indicate when a character is speaking, making it easier for readers to follow along. I know you used it but not every dialogue is closed with the quotation. So it was difficult.

And for grammar Using a grammar app for editing or seeking out tutorials can definitely help you polish your writing and make it even more enjoyable for readers 

Writing Style: 5/10

The writing also has some room to improve as you see it's a Ot7 story . So it's important to make sure we include every character and express their emotions in such a way that is more catchy. 

Like you mentioned all the members but i couldn't know what every member is feeling in a particular situation. You can separate their povs to catch their emotions more. I know it will make the story longer if every member has one chapter for a particular scene. But you can try to catch everyone's emotions in a single chapter.

Finding a balance between detailed dialogues and other descriptive elements can be key. Dialogues can bring the characters to life, but it's also important to provide enough description to set the scene and create a vivid atmosphere.

The words you used to express some background or emotions are catchy but still because of grammar mistakes the sentence lacks something. But you wrote so many good dialogues and interesting scenes. I loved it . Well done. You're doing an awesome job

Overall Impression: 5/10

 I'm  impressed with the plot and characters of your story. And that's a good thing, Right.  

However,  I guess you're looking to enhance the originality and emotional connection in the plot, and every story needs that. It's a key element.

To make the plot even more engaging, you can dive deeper into the characters' emotions and motivations. Show their internal struggles and desires, and how these drive the plot forward. Adding unexpected twists and turns can also keep readers hooked and excited to see what happens next.

Keep refining and adding those expressive elements to make a deeper connection with the story and characters. I am pretty sure that  it will turn out amazing! You're doing a fantastic job, author 

Rating on Book : 7/10 

I really enjoyed the book as a reader and I will be waiting for the more chapters and wañt to see how amazing this book turns out after editing and exploring your writing. I hope I can see your writing after keeping the points in mind.

The idea for your stories is pretty interesting. So well  done for that!!

Good luck author! I hope to see more from you in future!!

Thank you!! 

Total:  68/100

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