Tales of Nicky

Apocalypse-less AU (1)

I have learned several very important lessons over my life, the kind that I will likely take to my grave. Lessons that I try very hard to tell everyone else whenever I get the chance, but sadly no one else really listens to those, which was how I ended up at my counselor's office, surrounded by three relatively burly police officers as the counselor herself tried very hard to claim I did all sorts of illegal things.

Really, since when is chasing someone around singing "the song that never ends" while messing with the lighter I'd found in a locked drawer illegal? One would think she'd be relieved when that song finally ended, but honestly, it was still going through my head now.

It's the song that never ends....

"So this is the famous Nicky." One of the officers said thoughtfully. I knew all the officers in this tiny town already after six months of tormenting them, and now that I thought about it, this one wasn't even wearing a badge or the special officer clothes, perhaps a friend or backup one of them had brought? I think I'd seen him around before though, wasn't he a security guard?

It keeps going on and on my friends...

I nodded helpfully and finally gave them back the lighter, it wasn't working anyway, probably empty. The counselor kept on screaming about arson though. If I had a nickel for every time someone convicted me of arson, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.

Some people jussssttt started singing it, not knowing what it was...

Nothing was on fire though, the most that would happen was probably another restraining order and I was already having a hard time remembering how many people I had to try not to bother.

And they kept on singing it just because...

It had to have been at least half this town though? Perhaps it was time to move somewhere else again, my old goal of annoying every town in the country was seeming more and more plausible. I think I was still banned from California...and Nevada...and all the states that started with an A...oh and Ohio, that one was interesting.

It's the song that never ends...

"Yup, I'm famous." I finally responded as I was led gently but firmly away from the counselors office, remembering that the security guard guy had said something to me. What was his name again? I wasn't great with names until I'd met a person a few times but he'd been there with the incident with the old man in the suit.

The guard nodded, frowning, "why do you do this stuff?"

Why? Was he seriously asking me why? I hummed absently, "Just cause. It kinda just happened you know?" Besides, it was my mission in life to cure the world of sanity, that terrible thing that caused people to frown at anything considered different. This was just another step in that direction, I was sure my smart side had been planning this for months now, only to bring it out now when the fates aligned...

Oh who am I kidding. The guard raised an eyebrow, "Just cause? That makes no sense."

Crap I was being called out. I thought frantically, something to cement my wisdom in his eyes, oh smart side...anything helpful please? I closed my eyes and cleared my mind, opening my mouth and letting it spill out. A metaphor. Probably. "If a cat always lands on its feet, and toast always lands butter-side-down, what happens when you tie toast to a cat's back?"

He blinked at me and the two officers did too, one of them actually looked a bit thoughtful at the idea. "Well cats are heavier than toast, so-"