YOURS BY CHANCE

part 33

जिंदगी दे दित्ते तेनु सारे हक वे
गइरन वल ताकेया न अख चक वे
कच उत्ते एह वी नच जावंगी
वफ़ा मेरी ते ना करी शक वे
इक तेनु पौन दे करके
गिन्न ते न किने जखम जर्रे
वे मुख्य तेनु

I can't do this anymore. I FUCKIN can't , Mamma please take me with you . You can hear me na mumma?? please take me with you ,  why did you left me here alone ??

All this is leaving a toll on me I just can't help my confusion is hollowing me from inside and it's so Fuckin terrible specially when you can't express it out with someone

She thinks I am bastard yes I am I am just a confused bitch

And I am okay with being a bastard I am okay if someone's think about me like that I don't give a fuck what other thinks about me

But it hurts it FUCKIN hurts when she can't understand and why will she??

NO
ACTUALLY
IT SHOULD BE
WHY SHOULD SHE??

because I never gave her a reason to be nice with me she wanted to talk to me clearly but I didn't let her

Because I am a Fuckin scaredy cat who is scared what if Shravani will also leave me just like Ta...tanvi did

And I am ready to do anything for her to stay even sort my feelings for her and Natasha and try to unlove Natasha

I don't know if it's even possible or not I am  Fuckin so confused that I am doubting my own feelings it is even love

Flashback

"Mumma?" I said
"Yes bacha" mumma asked
"Do you really love dadda so much even after he shouted at you" I asked as I just saw them fighting for some reason
"Yes meri jaan I love him jo pyar par sawal uth Jaye na tou wo pyar pyar nhi hota if we start doubting the love we have for someone then it's not love baby" she said

"Then what is love mumma ?" I asked Curiously

"Pyar tou wo hota hai Jo bs hojata hai dheere dheere Ayeshte Ayeshte apne aap pata bhi nhi chalta kaise chupke se ata hai bin dastakh diye Dil ke darwaze se andr ajata hai pyar wo hota hai jb ek admi se hum itna pyar kre ki hum shyd unki galtiyon ko bhi maaf krdete hai pyar wo hota hai jb hum unse hi jhagarte hai par Hume sukoon bhi unse milta hai unke hi gale lag kr unki shikayat krna jb man bechain hojaye tou unse gale lag kr ghanto baithe rehna aur unki khamoshi bhi sukoon de jaye pyar wo hota hai Jo bs hojata hai tumhe abhi nhi smjh ayega meri jaan jb tumhe tumhari Jaan milegi na tb smjh jaoge" she said as she laughed kissing my forehead

"Aisa ky mumma I promise I will treat my-" before I could complete

"Your jaan?" She said tickling me

"Yes my Jaan I will treat my Jaan the best " I said 

Flashback ends

W

o tou bs ho jata hai na Ayeshte se dheere se khud se bina koshish kiye haina mumma

Par mumma main tou yesb Natasha ke liye nhi shravani ke liye feel krne laga hoon

Mumma ye kaisi confusion hai kash aap hote tou meri help krte main aapke pass ghanto baith apni sariyan pareshaniyan bhul skta

NO NO

I can't overthink like this I can't I need to take medicines I started searching for my medicine

I couldn't found it in my side of the side table so I went on the other side searching for the medicines as I opened the drawer a dairy fell along with few pictures

I started picking up as I saw those aryaan and shravani's picture

Kitni khush lag rhi hai...
And what I did with her
Made her cry and I expect her to not leave me

Wajah hai tumhare pass mujhe chorh Jane ka par ek baar apna kahunga tou ruk jaogi ky ?
Mana ki maine tumhe bohot takleef di hai tum chaho tou mujhe usse zyada aziyat dedo bs mujhse dur Jane ka khayal apne zehen se nikal paogi ky ?
Nhi jnta main ky hota hai parivar nhi jnta ky hote hai emotions mera haath tham mujhe sambhal paogi ky ?
Pata nhi pyar krta hoon ya nhi tumse par khoshish krunga ke tumhe abse aur takleef na doon mujhpe ek akhri baar yaqeen kr mujhse ek Vada kar paogi ky?
Haan janta hoon nhi aasan mere sath rehna par ek akhri mauka de kr mujhe smjh kr jis pyar ke liye itne saalon se taras rha hoon wo pyar de paogi ky?
Bas itna chahta hoon ki agar nhi ata mujhe apne feelings dikhana nhi pata mujhe pyar krna mujhse ye Vada kr ke mujhe pyar krna sikhaogi Puri zindagi mera haath tham kr ye rishta nibha paogi ky ?

Janta hoon tum ye nhi sun skti aur shyd hi main tumhe kbhi bolunga ye tumhe par ek baar bs ek bar mujhe smjh tou jao nhi aasan mere liye ye sari chizen tumhe kehna

Sach batau tou kbhi nafrat nhi Kiya Maine tumse haan shyd chidhta tha  kyuki mujhe bura lgta tha ki tum mujhse hmesha kyu ladti ho diya bhi tou thi na ladne ke liye tou sirf main hi kyun

Main kbhi smjh bhi nhi pain shyd ki jhagarne ke liye sirf main hi kyu

Par mumma kehti thi jinse hum jhagarte hai unse pyar bhi tou krte hai

Krti ho ky mujhse pyar pyar nhi tou Kum se Kum smjhti ho ky iss layak ki pyar kr sako mujhse

Thak Gaya hoon iss duniya se bs itna chahta hoon ki gale laga kr bs apne pass rakh lo khi Mt jane Dena na tum khi Jana agar tumhe bolun bhi Jane ko tou bhi mat jana

Bs ek baar ruk jao bs ek baar mujhe smjhne ki khoshish krlo bs ek baar bs ek baar aur kuch nhi chahta main sach kehta hoon jo chahogi wo krdunga tumhare liye bs tumse alag hone aur Marne ke ilawa kyuki mujhe tumhare sath jeena hai pyar ka tarsa hoon bs pyar chahiye aur kuch nhi kahunga bs ek akhri baar me pass ther jao

TBC

So here is the new update I hope now veeransh ki feelings are clear I waited to update this chapter since so so long finally my baby expressee some of his feelings and wo poem kidn of Maine khud se banyi hai so credit goes to me guys just informing ki kahi se copy nhi ki hai

Do vote and comment jaisa laga Updating this at exact 2 am as promised