dance in the sun 〖 the outsiders 〗

the insecurities

"Sorry I got so mad," she said chuckling, still not letting me go and resting her head against me. It still felt like something was wrong, like she was sad or something but I didn't say anything, just hugged her until she was ready to let go and gave her a kiss on her head. When she pulled away, she kept a hand interlocked with mine and pulled me inside.

"So what classes do you got tests in?"

She didn't turn around but headed towards the kitchen as she spoke. "Astronomy, statistics, and I got a paper due in my writing class Wednesday."

I knew I wouldn't be much help, I ain't had any of those classes, but I hang with Ponyboy while he's studying all the time so I know that you don't gotta know everything to help someone else. "Whenever Pony has a big test, he tries to explain the stuff to me that's gonna be on the test and that always helps."

"That's cool, no one's ever really helped me study before so I didn't think about that." She grabbed a box of cereal, some peanut butter, and crackers and then looked at me. "Hungry?"

"I'm alright."

She handed me the peanut butter, asking me to hold it and led me up to her room. Even when we were here alone last time, we didn't go into her room so I never saw what it looked like and I was kinda surprised to see a different color on each wall. Posters from a few of her favorite artists as well as some artwork were on her walls. She had a mirror hanging on the wall near the door where her closet was and her bed was huge, covered by a black and green blanket. Across from the bed was a desk where she had her books, backpack, and some other little small stuff that it just looks like she's thrown on there. There was a shelf above the desk which held a personal radio-record player and unsurprisingly, The Who was playing softly.

Marlena sat in the chair before I could but I didn't know if I should sit on her bed so I stood on the side of the desk, looking at all the different book titles. "You wanna listen to anything?"

"Nah, this is fine."

"You like The Who?"

I shrugged, "They're alright, I ain't listened to 'em too much, just a few songs."

With a smile, Marlena nodded. She's dipped a cracker into the peanut butter and before stuffing it in her mouth said, "They're one of my favorites."

She's told me that before in passing but probably doesn't think I'd remember. "Yeah? Thought you'd be more of a Beatles chick," I say jokingly. I also remember her saying how much she didn't like The Beatles but I think it's just because everyone else likes them.

She groaned, "Everybody likes The Beatles but they're just alright." I chuckled at her. I kind of suspected that she was high when she put peanut butter on her cracker and then sprinkled cereal on top. That suspicion was later confirmed when she went down three separate times for more snacks. I didn't mind but I wasn't sure how she'd get much studying done if she was high. She proved me wrong though. It took a bit to get focused; random questions kept coming at me when she would start reading her book and sometimes she'd just completely stop trying and spin around in her chair for a little bit. With Ponyboy it was real straightforward, he studied and then he was done but for Marlena, it felt like studying was a cycle of focus then messing around then more focus.

It was only six thirty, I'd been at her house for two and a half hours and Lena got through her study guide for Statistics, halfway through the unit for Astronomy, and hadn't even touched the paper for creative writing. "I think I'm good to call it quits now," she announced.

I furrowed my brows at her, confused. "You didn't even finish."

"I'll be fine. I'm bored. Mind if I smoke?" she questioned, pulling out a small, dark, glass jar that had a tiny paper bag in it.