baklaan party ● pordee

20

Another agonizing minute of silence follows.

"What do you want me to say?" she says, voice small.

That you love me.

"I don't know." I admit, the unspoken truth hanging heavy in the air.

She was silent, lost in thought. So I spoke.

"Do you like him?" I ask, finally looking up to meet her gaze.

Her shoulder tense at the mention of the guy. She eyes me with a sincere gaze.

"No. We're just friends, Michelle." she replies.

"Like we're just friends?" I argue.

She looks down, seemingly having an internal battle.

"No that- that's different." she stammers, playing with her ring. "It's different with you."

And I understood. I hate that I understood.

"Then why did you kiss him?" I blurted out.

She shifts in her seat, rubbing her temples. "I don't know...I guess I was just so desperate to get you out of my mind that night."

A beat of silence.

"I know it's a stupid excuse. But..." she pauses, sighing.

"But what?"

"The whole time I was kissing him....you were all I was thinking about." she confessed, voice laced with sincerity and regret.

I watch her, feeling tears starting to form in my eyes.

Why is she doing this to me? She's making it so hard for me to hate her. No matter what she does, how much she hurts me, I still find myself wanting to let down my walls immediately. And I hate myself for that.

"I'm so scared to do this, Ann." I admit, sighing in defeat.

She looks up to me, gaze filled with concern as she tries to figure out what the meaning behind my words meant.

"Michelle, it's just me. You don't have to be scared." she says, walking towards me and hesitantly reaching for my hand. I wanted to pull away for a moment, but I melt into her touch. And I hate that.

"Hey, talk to me. There's something you're not telling me I know it." she whispers, looking at me with pleading eyes.

"I don't even know if I can trust you anymore." I say, avoiding her gaze.

I feel guilty for saying that. Because we both know how important trust is for the both of us. We've managed to earn each other's trust ever since El Salvador.
And now, because of a stupid kiss, it felt like it had crumbled to dust.

A heavy silence follows. I turn to face her, seeing that she's looking down, jaw clenched, eyes filled with a mixture of hurt and frustration.

"You're mad at me." I say.

She shakes her head. "I'm not mad. I'm just....frustrated. I want to understand what's going on, but you keep pushing me away."

I couldn't help myself from feeling defensive. I feel cornered by her words, the image of her and the guy kissing suddenly flashing in my head. 

"Well, I'm not asking you to understand. It's not like I'm giving you that responsibility." I argue, my emotions rising.

"Responsibility?" she echoes, looking at me with disbelief.

"Whatever, Ann. Go kiss whoever you want I can't give a shit less." I blurted out, without thinking.

Regretting it almost immediately as it left my mouth, as I saw her pained expression. I see tears forming in her eyes, and she looks away trying to cover it up.

"Just go, Ann. I know you want to."

“I care about you.” it was all she says.

“I know.” I say, feeling a tear roll down my cheeks.

The silence that followed was heavy, that I only wished to go to sleep and forget about all of it like usual.

I was about to flee the room, feeling suffocated until I hear my phone ringing from my pocket.

I reach for it, Rhian's name flashing on the screen.

Taking a deep breath as I try to compose myself, I press the accept button.

"Hey" I answer, voice strained

She didn't speak for a while, before I hear sniffing on the other line.

"Hey, is everything okay?" I ask, voice laced with concern.

"Sam and I broke up." she chokes out, almost in the verge of breaking down.

My heart breaks, frame frozen in shock at the news.

I want nothing but to give her a tight embrace from the other line.

"Hey it's okay. I'm going back there now, honey. Okay?" I say, voice laced with reassurance.

I hear her mumble an okay as she stifle her cries.

I ended the call, covering my face in frustration, as I grab all my stuff in panic so I can get to the airport as fast as possible.

"Hey, what happened?" I hear Ann speaks from the other side of the room.

"I have to go back home. Rhi needs me." I say, running towards the door.

I feel Ann's footsteps following behind me. She grabs my arm, her grip surprisingly strong. I try to pull away, but she holds me tighter. "Let go, Ann."

She shakes her head, features hardened. "No," she says, her voice low. "You're not leaving me like this."

"I'm coming with you."

...

taray ng mga bakla. ginawang kabilang kanto ang thailand at pilipinas. 

naol na lang