"Oh my, oh my; where would you even begin?", I thought to myself as I sat down to right my journal journey. Which I am in fact, not thrilled about, my therapist just claimed that it might help. So, here's to having hope.
Now, every night before bed, I'll have to make an entry to take to my appointments with me and we can "discuss" to try and help. Basically that means, I'll write; show up to my next session and she'll ask a bunch of questions and I'll sit back and ignore her because coming here doesn't help. In fact, I feel worse when I leave here than I do before I do when I come inside and sit down on this couch every Thursday night.
But, of course in order to find out triggers and such, we have to back journal. Just another task to take care of in the day huh?
Journal Entry One: Well, I guess we should probably start with the basic information. I live in a small town called Stanley, here in Idaho. Our population is 122 people as of last year, so, to say everyone knows everyone here is quite literally an understatement. But this isn't where I am from. I'm from the city of Lancaster, Ohio. Not everyone knows everyone there; but, you'd still be amazed at how many people there know one another. Honestly, one of the best things I ever may have done, is moving from Lancaster to Stanley. My parents are divorced, both have moved on and had other kids, settled down; all the works I guess you could call it? Although, that hasn't shown to look too promising for either parent. I moved in with my Grandma and Grandpa here in Stanley.
I'm 16, quickly approaching 17; and am about halfway through with my Junior year of high school. Man where has all that time went?
I opened my eyes and realized that I was nodding off while writing, well actually typing my entry, because who actually writes anymore. That would almost be like keeping a dairy which is way too dangerous for someone who can't even keep track of her own head. I don't want people to know all the stuff about me that I haven't shared, I finally got a life that I'm semi-enjoying; we probably shouldn't accidentally ruin it. Going into my settings, I set the document pin, this way no one other than myself can access this information. And then, I close the computer up because that's enough for the night. Martha will just have to suck it up if she expected more from me, but, then again she always expects way more of me than she should. After closing my computer up and placing it on the charger, I figured I should probably go about the rest of my night rituals before heading off to bed. It's only 7:09pm, we haven't even ate dinner yet, but for some reason I didn't realize I was so sleepy.
*Text Messages: Martha (Crazy Lady)*
Maddison: Just wanted to let you know, I did the first journal entry thing you asked of me tonight. See you Thursday.
Martha: See, I told you it wouldn't be quite so bad. You've got to start having an open mind, things will work out so much better when you do. Remember to text me, anytime if you need something or just would like to vent.
Maddison: K.
I started coming to see Martha literally the week that I moved here, it was part of the deal of my grandparents allowing me to come stay here with them. I do got to say, I've always hated how cherry and pushy she is. Yeah that's her job, but just back off a little lady. Let me breathe...
