I feel like shit. I feel like my stomach's in my throat and I just don't know anymore. After I woke up the night before, good thing it was a Friday night then but then I remember I did something horrible to Atsumu for some reason and I don't know what. I've hurt the most precious person in my life yet I'm stuck, unable to do anything.
I didn't have the heart to face Atsumu. I'm so scared to do something stupid again. Days passed and from the distance I could see how the brightness in Atsumu slowly dimmed and it was my fault. I need to get away from him, he doesn't need someone like me.
"Are you serious right now, Kiyo!?" I snapped out of my thoughts as Komori barged into my room. Not gonna lie, I kinda miss being an only child in the family. I just rolled my eyes and covered myself with the blanket. "No! We need to talk about this!" He demanded.
"There's nothing to talk about!"
"You're avoiding Tsumu!" He yanked off my blanket and I rolled off the bed.
"What the hell Komori- -"
"You don't get to be upset!" I just stared, I have never seen him get angry before. "What were you thinking?" I wanted to say something, but he was right. Even if I didn't know what I was doing, I hurt Atsumu. I looked down, wanting to cry but before I could; Komori hugged me. "I know that you could never hurt Tsumu, Kiyo... and I know that Tsumu knows that as well." He pulled away. "Why don't you talk to him?"
"I can't... Tsumu hates me now."
"You know Tsumu isn't that kind of person." Komori smiled at me. "Just talk to him."
I know that Komori was right but I can't stop this uneasy feeling in my gut. I feel like I'm gonna burn like Icarus once I get too close to Atsumu. This was the world I created my whole life but I know I'm forgetting something. And that something was tugging on me from going near Atsumu than I already am. Then there's still the question, why can't I remember what happened to me before I got here.
*Riiiiiiiing!!
Everything's just coming to me in a blur. I don't remember most of my days. I don't remember how I got from one place to another. It's hard focusing on anything. Talking with people is like I'm underwater.
"How many times is this now?" I sighed as I stared at the closed gym doors. I've been coming here too many times now without coming in. I can't believe I'm still avoiding Atsumu.
I miss him.
Just like that, It was already the school festival. I feel like the time I've spent with Atsumu was just a dream now. The loser who can't stop wishing to be one of the popular kids. I actually had my chance but I blew it. Atsumu's friends that used to talk to me just forgot I exist now. Osamu and Suna looked like they wanted to spike a volleyball down my throat every time they saw me. Only Komori stayed by me and I never once thanked him.
"KYAAAA!"
I stopped walking, waking up from my trance. I turned and saw a lot of girls sprinting to the gym. Guess it was time for the volleyball match.
"Get your fresh takoyaki here!" Someone screamed outside and I looked. I was feeling something weird in my stomach and I started walking and thinking where I was going. Each step I took felt familiar for some reason.
"That haunted house was so scary - -" A girl bumped into me. She bowed and apologized but I just kept walking. There was this eerie sense that I was watching myself. I know what was happening but at the same time, I don't.
I kept walking and finally realized where I was going. The closed doors that I always visited were wide open, brimming with people, deafening cheers from all around but all I felt was chill.
"C'mon!" A guy lightly bumped into me. "The match's about to start!" They both ran to the gym but I was frozen in place. There was this ringing in my ears.
"I- - know this..." My throat suddenly felt dry. "Atsu..." I started to run as fast as I could. My heart was pounding uncontrollably but I kept running. I passed by the two guys who bumped into me earlier, I didn't even care if they got hurt.
I can't believe I forgot about this scene! I wrote this when I felt so bitter at the beautiful character I made. I took out my anger on the world on this perfect world I made. I hated that Atsumu was smiling so happily while I suffered in the real world.
"MOVE!" I pushed another student out of my way. I needed to hurry.
The archery club behind the gym was having a private practice but when idiots gather, disaster happens. One arrow went through the gym's window while the volleyball game was in its middle.
I burst through the sea of people to get to the court. Then there he was; Atsumu in all his glory, setting the perfect set for his brother. The ball hitting the opposite side of the court boomed through the walls of the gym.
My world went into slow motion when I finally saw the arrow that was about to go through the window. I was still too far away. I reached out, but it wasn't enough. I screamed but it was nothing compared to the cheers of students and guests.
"ATSUMU!!!"
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TBC
YOU ARE READING
SakuAtsu//: My Protagonist
Fanfiction"I like being alone, I don't need anybody else." is what Sakusa Kiyoomi would always tell himself. He just love writing his own little world with the main character he made up, fantasizing he could be that guy, that he wish he could be Atsumu Miya.
