pearl {hs}

a love letter to you.

Hi Bibble;

Um, it's Dizzle. Fuck thats not a way you start a letter.

I don't even know what to say actually. What does one say in a letter to her best friend who she hasn't seen in two months.

It's my birthday. Two months to the exact day you left me and um- im still right where you left me.

I'm not mad at you; I think I'm more confused than anything actually. To the point where I am not even sure how I am supposed to be feeling. Sadness? Anger? Hurt? Heartbroken? Hopeful? Happy? Proud? I don't know H. How should I feel?

But, I was mad at one point. I think maybe one week? Two weeks? Into you being gone. I couldn't fathom how you could leave me. Leave what you called home for 21 years. I thought I was your home H? You said "me and you; bibble and dizzle forever and always." What happened to that? You told me you'd call, you promised. I thought promises meant more than words. I really thought I'd get a "Im safe" text or something. I don't even know where you are in the entire world.

How fucked is that?

I'm not angry...just confused.

I miss you. I wonder if you miss me too. Do you miss as much as I miss you? Because I miss you a shit ton H.

I hope you miss me too.

I miss the way you smile. I miss your laugh and even your real laugh. I miss how compassionate and kind you are. Your friendliness and how romantic you are. After all, you are a hopeless romantic.

I miss all of you. I miss the hugs you gave or the soft kisses. Plus the best back scratches.

I miss my writing partner.

I haven't sat at the piano or touched my guitar. The guitar that was yours at a moment in time.

I haven't touched my journal since you left. I guess it's because my muse went away; I have nothing to write about.

Crazy right?

Your little cherry having nothing to write about. No words are left to be said.

I need you.

I need you home. I don't think a letter will be enough to tell you all of what I feel Harry. You left me, and I'm alone.

Everyone leaves me. That's okay, I understand why. Sucks but, hey I'll be okay. Right?

We'll be alright; right H?

I think about you a lot. Can't ever stop myself thinking about you. Everything I own or know reminds me of you. Your old cardigan? All of my vinyl records; makes me think about our dreams of owning a record store after we are done with fame. We always knew we were going to be famous. I guess you got what we wanted you should I say everything you wanted.

I think about you whenever I make coffee because I miss the way you made coffee. It must be all the love you have. I feel it even in my coffee. My loverboy.

You know you have a big heart? Maybe too big for your own good. Treat people with kindness.

Don't let anyone break that big heart of yours. Wish I could be there to protect it for you. You should never have to feel the pain of being heartbroken.

I think I have been heartbroken once in my life. Or at least very close to being heartbroken. That was when you left. I couldn't leave my bed for that first week. I couldn't bear it. I couldn't bear the fact that you aren't here. I didn't want to accept it. I don't think I could have.

It was hard to cope with life without my best friend. It still is.

Sleep was non-existent. I cursed the daylight and nightlight. I couldn't get you off my mind. All I wanted to do was to call you. But, if you don't want to call me then why do I?

Wish you were here. The diners not the same, the cafe, the bookstore, even the clubhouse are not the same. Besides only three members of the four horsemen are left.

I never got to tell you what I wanted to say that night. So um-- I guess I will tell you in this letter. If I don't tell you in this letter I will never tell you again. Hell it took me 14 years.

14 years of knowing you exactly to the day you left me.

Remember the day you turned 16 you got a job at a yogurt shop to make a little money? I do. You had to wear that bright ass teal shirt and could only work certain hours because of the law. You also begged me to work with you. But then I got that job at our favorite record store the next town over. You still made sure we saw each other everyday.

All the memories live with me in the story of us and our friendship.

I guess I should get to the main point of this letter. What I wanted to tell you that night.

I am scared to send this and scared for you to read over the words I plan on saying. There's no going back now.

Full send.

I'm crazy about you, loverboy. Im fucking smitten Harry.

Everytime you speak my chest tightens and my heart begins to race. When you giggle or you say my name I get butterflies. Butterflies in my mind, heart, stomach. Butterflies fill my entire body and soul.

I have fallen feet first and I might land to hard but fuck Harry, you make me feel so warm. You make me feel like I am transcending into another planet.

I only hope you feel the same way.

I hope you love me as much as I love you.

That's right; I love you Harry.

Not in a cute friend way. I'm in love with you.

It's okay if you don't know what to say; I know this is not the best way to have this conversation but I don't think you'd listen any other way.

Baby you're a cinema.

Don't forget me when you're famous Sonny.

Xoxo: Margot