The Winter Star ❥ b.barnes daughter

iv. remembering

ELLIE BARNES cringed every time she thought about how she hugged her father. She was scared and she would be lying if she said she didn't like it. Comfort has been something shes craved since she was a little kid and now she partly has it and won't accept it.

She sat in her room she thought about Bucky probably compensating his decisions. She felt bad for yelling at him but not bad enough to apologize.

Alone in her room, Ellie's mind wandered to the darkest corners of her past, the memories she had fought so hard to bury rising up like ghosts from the depths of her subconscious. She remembered the mission, the orders whispered in her ear like poison, compelling her to commit unspeakable acts in the name of HYDRA.

She remembered the target, a faceless enemy of the state, a pawn in a game of power and control. She remembered the gun in her hand, cold and deadly, its weight a constant reminder of the blood that stained her soul. And then, in a moment of horrifying clarity, she remembered pulling the trigger, the deafening roar of the gunshot echoing in her ears as she watched the life drain from her victim's eyes.

She's a killer.

And suddenly, she couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't see past the suffocating fog of her own guilt and shame. Her heart raced in her chest, a frantic drumbeat of terror that threatened to drown out all other sound, all other thought.

She gasped for air, her lungs burning with the effort as she struggled to regain control of her shattered nerves. But it was no use; the memories held her in their vice-like grip, refusing to let go of their hold on her fragile mind.

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she relived the horror of that moment, the weight of her actions crushing her beneath their unbearable burden. She felt sick to her stomach, the taste of bile rising in the back of her throat as she fought to suppress the overwhelming urge to scream.

But there was no one there to hear her, no one there to offer comfort or solace in her darkest hour. She was alone, trapped in a prison of her own making, haunted by the ghosts of her past.

As Bucky entered Ellie's room, his steps faltered at the sight that greeted him. There she was, huddled on the floor, her hands trembling as tears streamed down her cheeks, her face contorted in anguish as she relived some unspeakable horror from her past.

His heart clenched in his chest, a wave of fear washing over him as he rushed to her side, dropping to his knees beside her. "Ellie," he breathed, his voice laced with concern as he reached out to touch her trembling shoulder.

Startled, Ellie flinched away from his touch, her eyes wide with panic as she registered his presence. "No," she whispered hoarsely, her voice barely above a whisper as she scrambled backward, putting as much distance between them as possible.

Bucky's brow furrowed with worry, but he didn't back down. "Ellie, please," he implored, his voice gentle but firm. "Let me help you. You don't have to go through this alone."

But Ellie shook her head defiantly, her breath coming in ragged gasps as she fought to keep her emotions in check. "I don't need your help," she insisted, her voice trembling with a mixture of fear and anger. "Leave me alone."

Bucky's heart ached at the sight of her pain, but he refused to give up on her. "Ellie, you don't have to be strong all the time," he said softly, his eyes pleading with her to let him in. "Ellie, please."

For a moment, Ellie wavered, her resolve faltering in the face of his unwavering compassion. But then, with a defiant shake of her head, she pushed him away again, her walls firmly in place. "I said no," she whispered, her voice barely audible as she turned her back on him, her shoulders hunched in defeat.