I Found You

Part 5. A Problem Shared, Is A Problem Halfed.

Tommy then poured himself another drink. "What a waste". I said. "Yeah, a waste is what it is". He replied, as he took a sip of the drink he had just poured. He then sat back in the chair and sighed again, looking to the right of him. "You know in France...". He began to say. A cold shiver went down my spine and the hairs on my arms stood up on ends, as soon as those words came out of his mouth, I realised that he must have fought in the war. "In France, I got used to seeing men die, never got used to seeing horses die". He said, as he continued to stare off into the distance and not at me.

"They die badly". He then added, as he then picked up his box of cigarettes from off the table and handed one to me. The rain outside continued to fill the silence. "I dug out a dress like you asked". I said. Oh you stupid woman, there he is talking about how he has just killed his horse and here you are, talking about a stupid dress, like you don't care about what he has just said. "I don't smoke, but thanks". I said to him, as he put down the cigarette he was offering. He then put a cigarette in his mouth himself and scratched the match and lit the cigarette. "Is it Cheltenham you're talking about?". I asked him. He said nothing. "Cheltenham a grand affair is it not?". I said.

"The King will be there". Thomas mumbled, as he had the cigarette within his mouth. I sat there wide eyed for a moment, excited at the fact of I might possibly be in the same place as royalty. "King George?". I asked excitedly. Thomas shook his head. "Nope, King Billy Kimber and all his men". He said, as he leant back in the chair and took the a draw from his cigarette and let the smoke leave his mouth and lungs. I knew it, I knew he was only wanting someone to go with to show off. "And what must I do?". I asked him bemused, as I looked away from him and crossed my arms over my chest and looked a the floor for a moment. "Cos you do realise, like at our first time ever meeting, I did tell you that I wasn't a whore!". I snapped slightly.

Thomas looked up and gave me a cold stare, it was that kind of stare, that made me want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. "For two pounds, you'll do what I ask you to do". He stated coldly once more. I was now starting to regret saying I would go in the first place. So I decided to play him, at his own game. "I want three". I said, as I looked him dead in the face and cocked one eyebrow, as I leant forward in my sitting position, putting all my weight onto my arms, that were still crossed. Thomas, just sat there and scoffed. "If I'm meeting a King I won't be wearing a cheap dress". I told him.

"And I ask you to let me sing, that's part of the deal now too". I said, as I sat back in my chair still with my arms crossed and now I crossed one leg over the other too. "Since when?". He asked me. I smirked to myself, before turning back to look at him. "Since you nearly smiled". I said, as I looked him deep in those ocean blue eyes of his. The sound of the rain once again, filling in the silence. "Saturday nights, open and easy, everyone gets to sing their song, just like we did in the Rosie in Newcastle". I said. "You never drank in Newcastle, so don't lie to me". Thomas said sharply. "I asked around about the pubs you said you used to drink in, I have friends up there, no one has ever seen you in there". Thomas said.

"My guess is your a girl from a good family, who got into bother with a few men". He then added. I swallowed hard, how did he know, how did he know my one ever kept secret, that I will be taking to my grave, a secret I haven't even told my father or brother about. One night, it was around Christmas time, walking home past the Rosie pub Newcastle, from doing some Christmas shopping. I was walking to go catch the bus back home, it was dark and no one was around, I was attacked by three men, my purse and belongings were stolen and I was dragged down a dark alley way and... I was raped, luckily nothing came from it however, I have never talked about it to anyone, I didn't even report it to the police, as I was scared incase they found me and killed me and I have learned to push it to the back of my mind, until now. Was men who did that too me his friends, for how did his friends know, that had happened to me, if I have never told a soul. The only people who knew, were these gentleman, who heard me screaming for help and rushed to help me, but I have never seen them since to thank them properly.

A lump started to form in my throat and I swallowed hard, trying not to burst out crying. "I-I-I-Its not something I want known". I told him. "And by telling anyone your scared that it would ruin your reputation with men and being able to find a good husband and that your frightened incase they came after you". Thomas rhetorically asked. "Was it your friends who...". I was just about to ask but was cut off coldly by him. "No!". He said. "For if I found out that any one of my men, did anything like that to a woman I would kill them stone dead". He continued. Another silent pause ascended. "No, my friends heard your screams and came to your aid". He finished. "Oh". Was all I replied with. "So I'm right and Polly was wrong". He added, whilst flicking the ash from the cigarette, into the ash tray and sitting back into his chair.

"Right about what?". I asked. "Doesn't matter". He said. "It looks like it matters to you". I said, as he sat there not looking at me and continued to take drags from his cigarette, puffing the smoke up into the air, to avoid my gaze. "Family business". He mumbled, as he yet again placed the cigarette into his mouth. "You won't tell anyone me secret?". I asked him. "Do you think I tell people things?". He said rhetorically and then decided to change the subject.

"So what do you sing?". He asked me. I then jumped up slightly, with excitement, that he was finally talking about something I was interested in, instead of my broken past. "Anything you want!". I said cheerfully. "Right!". He said, as he slammed his hand down upon the table, creating a loud bang, making me jump out of my skin. "Get up on a chair!". He told me. "Okay". I said quietly, I then did as I was told and went and stood up slowly and went to stand up the chair I was just sitting upon. I then stood there, feeling really tall and confident, as I looked down at him. I clasped my hands together, with excitement. "Happy or sad?". I asked him. He paused for a moment, before answering me. "Sad". He replied, quite sober like. My heart sank for a moment, why on earth would he request a sad song, who's hurt him. "Okay, but I warn you I'll brake ya heart". I jokingly replied. "Already broken". Was all he replied with. My heart sank even more at his response, I just wish I could go over and hug him right now. I cleared my throat and began to sing.

"I've been a way from you a long time.
I never thought I'd miss you so.
Somehow I feel.
Your love is real.
Near you I want to be.
The birds are singing it is song time.
The banjos strumming soft and low.
I know that you.
Yearn for me too.
Swannee, you're calling me.

Swannee, how I love you, how I love you.
My dear old Swannee.
I give the world to be.
Among the folks in D-I-X-I.
Even though my mammy's.
Waiting for me.
Praying for me.
Down by the Swannee.
The folks up north will see me no more.
When I get to that Swannee shore.

I miss the old folks at home.

Swannee, how I love you, how I love you.
My dear old Swannee.
I give the world to be.
Among the folks in D-I-X-I.
Even though mammy's.
Waiting for me.
Praying for me.
Down by the Swannee.
The folks up north will see me no more.
When I get to that Swannee Shore.".

As I finished, silence was all that could be heard around the pub. Apart from the tapping of the rain upon the windows. Thomas sat there, his head hung low, not even moving slightly. I just stood there, not knowing what to do, as he didn't bother lifting his head. I climbed down from off the chair and went to grab my coat and bag from off the side. I then took the keys from out my coat pocket and gently placed them onto the top of the bar. "Feel free to lock up when your ready and you know where I live so, just post the keys through my letter box". I said softly, as I went to walk to the door, before turning back to take one last look at him, but again he didn't lift his head not once. "Goodnight Mr Shelby". I softly said, before opening the doors and leaving him, to be on his own, as I walked out of the pub and straight for home, to start the day all over a again. I hurried down the street, to try and keep out of the rain, whilst looking back every so often to make sure no one was following me, be that him or a stranger.

I was glad to finally get in the house and close the door behind me, letting out a huge sigh, before dropping to my knees and putting my head in my hands, as I slid down the back of the door, my head swirling all over the place.