✓ IF YOU STAY | HEESEUNG

44 - If It Happens Again

Her grandmother's house was located on the outskirts of the city, surrounded by the comforting embrace of nature. Danbi loved the place and spent his time running around the garden, chasing butterflies, and playing with the kids who lived in the neighboring houses. The laughter of the children reminded her of Minjae and she couldn't help but feel like a mother who was watching over her child from a distance.

"You're up early, dear." Her grandmother's voice made her tear her eyes from the view and turn around. "Good morning."

Y/N smiled, letting her grandmother hug her for a few seconds. "Good morning, Grandma. Oh, let me make breakfast for you." 

"No, no. Just focus on your work or relax, I'll make breakfast today. Besides, you've been doing so much around here already." Her grandmother patted Y/N's cheek affectionately then left to the kitchen. She was a woman who knew the importance of nurturing not just the body but the soul. Y/N appreciated the warmth she provided and the way she could act like a spoiled kid in the comforting presence of her grandmother.

She found herself falling into a routine that felt both familiar and grounding. But she still felt awful. She felt like the biggest intruder in her own happiness. If only she didn't have to deal with the complicated emotions and the mess she had created. The pain of losing what she had with Heeseung gnawed at her, and the uncertainty of her feelings for Haejun lingered like a haunting ghost.

She just needed to confront him and tell him that she was in love with Heeseung. That was it. But it felt like an insurmountable task, an emotional hurdle she wasn't ready to leap over.

Days and days passed and all Y/N did was bury herself in her thoughts, each day adding another layer to the emotional wall she had built around herself. Until Sangwook and Yejin's wedding arrived. Harin and Y/N spent the whole week looking for the perfect dress she could wear to the wedding. If Princess Diana had her revenge dress, Y/N was going to have her "I need to get my life together" dress. They settled on a simple yet elegant navy blue dress that Harin insisted complemented Y/N's features perfectly. A dress that would make Heeseung regret his decision to take a break, or so Harin claimed with a mischievous smile.

The day of the wedding arrived, and Y/N found herself standing in front of the mirror, adjusting the straps of her dress. It was a beautiful dress, but she couldn't shake off the heaviness in her heart. She didn't feel beautiful, only a knot of emotions tied up inside her. One of her high school friends offered to drive her to the wedding venue. 

Both Haejun and Heeseung were probably going to be there so she straightened her dress, smoothed down her hair, and put on a smile she hoped looked genuine. 

The sight that greeted her was a breathtaking display of celebration. The venue was decorated with flowers, twinkling lights, and the air was filled with the soft melody of a love song. Y/N took a deep breath, attempting to soak in the atmosphere, reminding herself that today was about celebrating Sangwook and Yejin's love, not dwelling on her own heartbreak. 

Y/N held her breath as she looked around for some familiar faces until she turned by a corner and stumbled upon Haejun who looked like he was lost in thought. Their eyes met, and for a moment, time seemed to stand still. She couldn't help but notice the depth of emotions in Haejun's eyes—uncertainty, longing, and sadness. A lot of questions lingered in that gaze, questions Y/N wasn't sure she had the answers to.

"Haejun," His name felt like both a greeting and a question, an invitation to bridge the gap that had widened between them.

"Y/N," he replied, a mixture of surprise and uncertainty in his eyes. "You look... beautiful." She could see how his gaze lingered on her and how he almost looked like he wanted to say more but held back.

"Thank you. You look great." She smiled a little, trying her best to avoid his gaze. "Sangwook and Yejin looked great. I can't believe they're finally married. It feels like just yesterday we were all in high school."

Haejun nodded, his gaze still lingering on her. A faint smile tugged on the corners of his lips. "Time flies, doesn't it? It feels like yesterday when you used to steal glances at me while I played. I remember thinking you had the most beautiful smile back then, and now, seeing you at Sangwook's wedding, it's like nothing has changed."

"Haejun, I.... there's something we need to talk about." 

His expression shifted, and he nodded, a solemn acknowledgment of the conversation they both knew was overdue. "Yeah, we do." It was time to lay everything out on the table even though it meant confronting feelings and truths that had been buried for far too long. "I know we've both been avoiding this conversation for a while, but I avoided it because I know what you're going to say. I know what you're about to say, Y/N."

To say her heart broke would be an understatement. It was as i a heavy weight had settled into the pit of her stomach and she had to force herself to meet his gaze. "I care about you, Haejun, I really do. But I've also realized that my feelings for you are not... romantic. I thought they were, but..." She hesitated, trying to find the right words. "I liked you but I like you in a different way now. My heart doesn't really flutter the way it used to when we were younger. It's not fair to either of us to pretend otherwise."

"I know. And it's okay." It wasn't. Y/N knew it wasn't okay and he wasn't going to be okay when he ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. It was a habit he had whenever he felt overwhelmed or unsure. "I had hoped... I guess, deep down, I had hoped you still felt the same way. But I just want you to be happy, and if you find that happiness with someone, I don't want to be the reason you're holding back."

A lump formed in her throat and she looked away, hoping he didn't catch the fleeting expression of pain on her face. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. But I'm also thankful for... everything. Yeah, I'm thankful for your friendship." 

Haejun's smile was always one bright spot in her life, and seeing it fade away was like watching a sunset on a summer day. "Don't be sorry, Y/N. My memories with you are the only thing that I would never want to change. I cherish them a lot. But yeah, it's time to move forward, find new paths, and make new memories."

"I hope we can still be friends, Haejun." That was probably selfish of her, or maybe it was a desperate attempt to keep him in her life the fear of losing him completely was too overwhelming.

 "Of course, we can. Friends, always." His smile returned, albeit a bit somber. "Uhm, are you here alone?" She knew that wasn't the question he wanted to ask, but Haejun was always considerate, always trying to ensure she felt comfortable.

"Heeseung and I decided to take a break. I came here with a friend." She smiled a little, trying to make it sound less serious than it felt. "Yeah, it's been a while since we've met each other. I'm staying with my grandmother for now."

"So you're not aware of..." His voice trailed off as he frowned and all it did to Y/N was heighten her anxiety. "I heard that Heeseung was staying at the hospital. They mentioned some illness, but I can't remember the name. I thought you were with him so I didn't want to visit but..."

The word 'illness' echoed in her ears, triggering memories of their past life that still haunted her. No. Not again. "What do you mean, an illness? Is it...?" She couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence, her voice barely a whisper. And before he knew it, she was running out of the place. She would be damned if she didn't find out what was happening with Heeseung.

What happened in their past life had left scars on both Y/N and Heeseung. In that life, Heeseung had lied to her, pushed her away and suffered in silence. If that scenario was repeating, she couldn't bear it. She couldn't bear the weight of losing him a second time.