The Pen Problem- Beetlejuice fanfiction

The Pen Problem

It was a lazy day in the Maitland-Deetz household. Lydia was out in town, Adam and Barbara were up in the attic, Delia was doing yoga in her room, and Charles had just stepped outside to fetch the mail. In the living room, Beetlejuice was draped over the couch arm in a position that couldn't possibly be comfortable. He was quietly humming a tune to himself while flicking little fireballs between his fingers. Blissfully unaware of The Letter.

It was encased in a hot pink envelope. Smelled vaguely of roses and perfume. It's striking color stood out against the paper white of the other envelopes. Charles set it down on the table, his face scrunching up as he read who it was addressed to.

"Beetlejuice! You have a letter!" He called out to the resident demon. Beetlejuice teleported behind Charles, making him jump. Beetlejuice's attention quickly focused on the pink envelope. He snatched it out of Charles' hands and tore it open with a sharp claw, beaming.

"This better finally be my paycheck! I've been waiting for it for centuries!" Beetlejuice ripped it open and a pink letter and a rose fell out. Beetlejuice stuck the rose in his mouth and absentmindedly chewed it as he read the letter. As he read, his brow furrowed. His mouth was slightly agape. His body stiffened. He summoned a pair of pink heart-shaped bedazzled sunglasses and kept reading. Then he tilted the glasses to his nose as he reread it. He reread the letter a few times, scanning over every word as he bit his nails anxiously. This might have been the first time Charles had ever seen him so focused on anything.

"Mr. Juice? Are you alright?" Charles asked, a bit concerned for the demon.

Beetlejuice took the obnoxious sunglasses off and chucked them over his shoulder. "They know about the pens... HOW THE FUCK DO THEY KNOW ABOUT THE PENS?!" Beetlejuice's hair turned a murky blueish gray color as he paced around muttering about pens. Little streaks of angry red and deep orange made his hair look like an overcast sunset.

"Pens? What pens? What happened?" Charles was now getting worried. He put a hand on Beetlejuice's shoulder, but he got shoved away. Beetle kept anxiously pacing and mumbling to himself.

Beetlejuice gave Charles a guilty smile. "Ok, ok, so - funny story - Y'know Dante's Inferno Room? It's this Neitherworld strip club? Yeah, I've been stealing pens from that place for centuries. I always tried to be discreet about it, but I guess somehow they found out about it? Anyways, they want the pens back."

Charles just sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose. At the moment, he was the human embodiment of "I'm not mad, just disappointed". After a moment of silence and wondering what the hell to do in this situation, he spoke up.

"Where do you keep your pen stash?"

"There's a few boxes of 'em in the basement. I've been collecting for centuries."

And so, the two descended into the dark, dusty basement. The wooden stairs let out a haunting creak, the old steps threatened to give out under every footfall. Charles gulped. All those months ago, the Maitlands had fallen through unstable flooring like this. Just a little more pressure and it surely wouldn't be that hard for Charles to plummet into the inky abyss-

"Hey Chuckles! Lighten up a bit will ya? You look like you just saw a ghost!" Beetlejuice laughed at his own bad joke while simultaneously emitting a bright yellow light from his golden eyes.

Charles jumped a bit from Beetlejuice's sudden words and felt the wood start to warp under him. In a panic, he picked up the pace.

"Jeez, what's wrong with you?" Beetlejuice raised an eyebrow.

"These stairs make me paranoid," Charles responded, his voice higher than usual. "I feel like I'm going to fall through them."

"You won't fall through the stairs. Believe me, I've lived here for over 100 years! Actually, come to think of it, Babs and Adam never really did that much maintenance on the stairs. Neither did most of the breathers passing through here. Scratch what I said earlier- you probably will fall through the stairs!" Beetlejuice said in a concerningly happy voice.