When Desperation Calls

Shortened Breaths

THUMP... THUMP... THUMP...

All I can hear is my heart racing, pounding against my chest as I push myself through the tall, blue double doors of Prouton High. It was a relatively big school for a rural community, honestly. I suppose I had my small little clique as usual, but none of them were anywhere to be seen. I mean hell, look at the cafeteria, it looks like Jesus asked for a ballroom with a kitchen attached to it. Not that I'm religious, but if I were that's probably what this would be. First days always make me paranoid, but thinking about starting over completely is scary. I'm a freshman, bottom of the food chain. I have no repour, no good standings with anyone here, and they expect me to jump in like it's a public pool in Austin, Texas.

Walking in, I felt like all eyes were on me. Maybe that makes me a little selfish, but truly I felt everyone staring. My outfit wasn't even bad. My sister had told me to be slutty since I was what the jocks would call a "Queer". Honestly, I didn't really see the appeal of dressing sloppy, when cute outfits could also pass as extremely comfortable. Then again everyone's opinions mattered to me. I suppose my black, ripped to style skinny jeans with a White American eagle sweatshirt and my black leather jacket from Macy's wasn't necessarily the cutest thing to wear on the first day of school. Made me seem like some wanna be bad boy, when in reality I was like any other gay boy in school. 

"Hey girl!" I recognized that voice anywhere. Elise Connors. My best friend since grade school. Of course, by grade school I mean we've been on and off since the beginning of time. Hell, we could be mad at each other by next week. "Heyy!" I held out the welcome longer than I wanted to which created an awkward intro, splitting a giggle between me and her. You could tell by the way she stood she walked with a place to go, like she was on some sort of top-secret mission in the Bahamas. "So, like, we haven't seen each other in soooooo long." While her voice was extremely annoying, she was still my best friend and I learned to live with it. Still didn't change the fact she was loud and obnoxious all the time, like me. "We literally saw each other last week at Elise and Hannahs birthday party." I could feel her glare loom over me, "What-ever" the "T" was extremely emphasized for no reason. "How was your week girl?" I cuffed my elbow around her and began to walk, arm in arm to the displayed tables to receive our schedules. The tables were displayed in a "U" shape to allow more room for new and old people in the high school to come and go. "This is gonna be the-" Right then, I was cut off by a sharp yelp of high heels behind me. You could tell they were still learning to walk in them, because they were walking heel and then toe rather than toe and then heel. If that even makes sense.

"EEEEEEEEEEK!" Hannah had the voice of a Valkryie, sharp and high pitched, but almost smooth and angelic at the same time. There was only one other person that had a voice that could sound as amazing as hers. "Now that we're all officially 14, I was hoping that we could FINALLY go roller skating together, alone, without a parent." Prouton had this ass backwards rule that kids below the age of 14 couldn't go bowling, roller-skating, to laser tag, or even the movies without an adult in attendance. Not even someone who's like, 17. They have to be 18 or older. A smile caved its' way across my face the moment she said that. We had all been waiting for her to turn 14 to actually go and do it alone. "Please, I'm begging. You're no longer a baby bro." She cringed at that word, "Have you been hanging out with "The Boys" again?" She made air quotes to insult the guys in the group. "Stop making fun of them. You're just jealous because your brother likes me more than he likes you." I swear I felt my eyes hit the back of my skull. 

"Name Please"

Jesus, I could cut a watermelon with how sharp that voice was. "Anders. Carson Anders." I said, in a small shallow voice. I looked back at the girls who were laughing silently at my immediate tone change. She handed me a singular piece of paper with my name, locker information, and my class schedule on it. "You're going to homeroom first today. Your teacher is Mrs. Hampton. Her room is directly across from the front office, which you saw during your orientation and viewing day." I smiled and waved as the girls got their information as well. "Well? Who's your homeroom teacher?" They frowned before Hannah broke the silence, "I have Mr. Horton. Luckily she has Hampton too." She pointed at Elise. She had always felt left out in the group, but we often overlooked it because frankly, it was true. But it was also because she had so many friends, we never expected her to go to any of the things we all did together. Granted she did exactly what we thought and always had other plans, but she always weaseled her way back in when she had a falling out with another group. We sort of always held a pity for her, so we let her back generally.

"I'm Sorry girl, looks like we have math together though." My tone was course, but her smile slightly returned as she looked down a narrow hallway with blue and red lockers in a pattern on either side, streamers and a banner that read, Welcome Back Knights! was sprawled across the entrance of the hallway and the streamers hung from light to light. I looked down the other hallway, that had a curve in the middle where the entrance to the main office was. I never truly understood the appeal of a lot of welcome back decorations. We acknowledged them, sure, but we didn't really care. It never made a difference. Now that I think of it, I'm not really sure why I was so nervous. I suppose I was more or less nervous about someone rather than school. I waved goodbye to Hannah and continued my same pace with Elise. I wondered if I had any classes with anyone else that I knew, or how many people from my middle school transferred here to this high school, rather than Seaside. I looked at every doorway I passed to take in everything I could until I reached the classroom I was directed towards. I clearly had to stop and ask for help once, but that was merely expected. I looked at the other kids that were in the room and only recognized a couple of them. No one I associated with of course. 

I sat at a table close to the wall, away from the teacher's office area. She could still see me, but not as well as the other. I layed my head down onto Elise's shoulder and sighed, looking up into her eyes. If I were straight, she would most definitely be my soul mate, but luckily neither of us would ever feel that way. Frankly, I just want this year to be over. But hey, isn't this how every high school story goes? Every memoir is the first day of high school, one where it goes perfect and then by some magical mystery something stupid happens that fucks' everything up. They develop a love interest, get into fights, and then BAM everything's back to normal, just like that and they live happily ever after. 

Honestly, that's just cheesy and I don't want it. Yes, I love the idea of it, but I don't think it's for me. But then again, they all say that at first, don't they? 

I looked at the clock, already counting the seconds until the school day ends, before the class even started. Elise had already peeled herself to her phone for the remainder of class, as she did the entire eighth grade year. It's a surprise she graduated. I made a quick glance around the room before watching Ellis enter the room. His brown hair flung over his hazel eyes, with a baggy sweatshirt and basketball shorts, as every hetero-normative man wore now-a-days. I threw a wave at him, that signaled for him to come sit with us. It looked as if he was the only other person from the group that was in our homeroom.

Just like that, a group of three platinum blond girls with skintight jeans, crop tops, and converse peeled into the room. Sitting beside a bunch of the "popular boys", their vibe just screamed pick-me. The only good part about it was, now I had an enemy without actually meeting anyone. The true high school experience. The best friend, the enemy's, and the boys. Perfect set-up for drama and an over scheme for a shadowing entrance. Just like that, I heard a lot of giggling and spotted a lot of nasty glances from the girls that walked in. The classic trio that everyone at high school either hated or loved. Ellis sat beside me, immediately locking eyes with his phone, ignoring everything around him.

I suppose this was how I was going to spend the next 9 months. Holy torture with the pick me girls and jocks, my best friend in hand, and my best guy friend here to ignore me already. What was to hate? I asked for a new norm, and I suppose that's exactly what I had received. Shortened Breaths and have assed remarks.