Back in Time

I just need to talk

The drive to the Stark's lake side cabin was a long one, though it was one I enjoyed immensely, especially in the fall. It gave me plenty of time to think things out or to just blank my mind of everything overwhelming me at the time. Whichever was needed. From what my extended family has told me, it's something my father also liked to do. It was nice. It gave me some kind of connection to the man I don't ever remember meeting. There might have been a million photographs of me and my namesake before he died, but those were locked away along with most of the pictures of Steve Rogers. Before the end it had been too hard on my mother to see his face everyday. Especially the aged version.

Unlike my mom the feelings I held for Steve Rogers were complicated. On one hand I ate up every bit of knowledge about him that I could get my hands on. Of course I ignored the media stories and history reels unless they were written or interviewed by someone who actually knew the former Captain.

No, I preferred talking to the people who did know him. The people who loved him. Flaws and all. And then once I became captain, I read through every report typed up in his own hand. Learning from his mistakes and sharing in his victories in this small way.

Then again. On the other hand I held a lot of resentment towards Steve Rogers. He'd abandoned my mother to go back in time to go to live the life that he felt had been stolen from him with another woman. And while Veronica 'Ronnie' Stark had been understanding, though rightfully heartbroken, I didn't get it. If it was me I wouldn't have allowed him to take off without the knowledge of how I really felt about him. I wouldn't have spared him an ounce of my pain so he could live guilt free without me.

Granted my mom hadn't known she was pregnant at the time, though she had a feeling something was off at the time. If she had just sat him down and told him how she felt. To see if he felt the same way or at the very least give him the chance to be there for me as I grew up. If she had given into that feeling and taken a pregnancy test then the both of them would have...

While I understood my mom's thinking, I didn't agree with it one bit. Right up until the day she died Ronnie Stark had never once allowed a bad word to be spoken about the love of her life. Not even from her own daughter.

There had been a period of time in my early pre-teens when I hated being told how much I looked just like the man who'd left me and my mother behind. I hated being forced to smile while people went on and on about how wonderful a man he was. To have sacrificed so much for everyone else and blah, blah blah. So when I was twelve at the peak of my hate I'd gone out and gotten brown colored contacts to look more like the Stark side of the family. To hide the ocean blue eyes that were the mirror of my fathers. I also stopped wearing any of the colors red, white or blue in my version of pettiness. Choosing instead to wear black, silver and more black. I guess you could call it my emo phase.

Even now as an adult I had a hard time being compared to him. Though not as much as before. It was more like it hurt my heart. And there was still long held anger that I doubted I would ever be able to let go of. But when my mother passed away it had all seemed pointless to hate him when deep down I knew I loved him. Like I said, complicated.

When my mom died, with the encouragement of my uncles and aunts, I started therapy and worked out a lot of my issues regarding my father. For the most part anyway. Enough for me to eventually join S.H.I.E.L.D. after I finished college. A request that was in my mom's will. I go to and finish college. then I could follow in my parent's footsteps. However, I was sure her hopes had been that I would one day take over as head of Jarvis International Finance and help Morgan run Stark Industries rather than follow the path they took becoming an Avenger. Wanting both, Morgan and I joined S.H.I.E.L.D. after our respective graduations. Quickly working our way up the ranks like any new recruit rather than just expected to be given a spot on the team.