The armoured hearts

Easy

“All I know is that…I don’t know what to call it but I still feel…and I feel differently than before realising that I could feel this…”

“How to be sure…that we speak the same language together, at the same time?” Porchay asked, hiding his face into his knees. He felt stuck and he was horrified at the idea of bringing pain, misunderstanding or even to impose his love to Kim. Because now that he thought about it, he would do anything for that man, he would without any hesitation. He would in one second. He would. For now he was feeling guilty of feeling this. And he really thought that if Kim didn’t kiss him, that he didn’t let those lips touch his own, those emotions might have never crossed the hidden part of his heart.

“And if we stop talking?” Kim asked, hope was so vivid in his pupils.

“Stop talking?” Porchay asked, raising his head, surprised again by Kim having an idea and exposing it. He wondered how much what he just lived impacted his behaviour.

“Yes…just feeling…”

“And figuring it out together?”

Kim nodded silently, waiting for Porchay to agree or reject his idea which looked really weird for himself too.

“Okay…” Porchay reluctantly said, still really worried. “But…let’s take it easy, really easy.”

“Easy…easy…” Kim repeated.

“Can you help me to go to P’Yok, please ?” Porchay asked quickly. He had the feeling that Kim would want to kiss immediately and he clearly had this idea but Porchay said “easy”, and he meant it. Kim just nodded and helped him. And even if he didn’t get his kiss, he felt happier than ever. And the soothing emotion that was spreading in his body was another sign for him that all of this wasn't heat.

—

"Oh…right on time." Tankhun said when Porchay came inside Kinn's room, supported by Kim.

"Where is P'Kinn?" He asked, looking around.

"He-"

"He had things to do." Yok cut him rapidly, giving him the big eyes treatment. She got closer to them and took both of the boys in her arms. "You take care of yourself for the small time we won’t see each other, promise?"

"What do you mean? We aren’t going back with you?" Porchay asked, taken aback.

“Boys. You’re better here, with your brothers.” She said towards Kim. “And you’re better staying around that safe place.”She added for Porchay. “What’s with that head? We will see each other again! “

“Is it true? That we will?” Kim asked, suspicious.

“I will prove it to you. I will.” She smiled, patting his head and those words resonated way more in him than he had thought it could.

“Then…kiss Clea and Sophia.” Porchay said, still trying to accept the idea.

“I will.” She nodded, hugging them one last time before walking away.

Porchay turned his head as he could to be able to make the most of her shadows disappearing. And he gulped down his own fear. It could only be alright, it wouldn’t be the last time they see each other, it wouldn’t be, and repeated like this, it felt as if it was real.

“It’s our turn to go home boys!” Tankhun stood up, excited.

“You too?” Porchay asked, even more surprised.

“Yes. That’s not my…home.” He hardly said. “And you have a cat to take care of.”

“Star!” Kim said, realising that it had been a moment without him and he was missing the tiny kitty of his life.

“And Erika too.” Porchay smiled looking at them.

Kinn’s absence looked weird in Porchay’s eyes but he didn’t want to think too much about it. They were safe, they were alive and nothing menacing was ahead of them. Porchay thought about Porsche and he smiled tenderly. He might not be alone anymore for the rest of his life.

—-

If Erika was the happiest to see them back in one piece, Star was the loudest, meowing and purring on Kim for hours. And the boy didn't want to let go of his kitty, caressing him and walking in the house with him on his arms, on his shoulder, or under his shirt. He just couldn’t stay away from him anymore, and having someone needing his presence clearly gave Kim the biggest smile he ever had.

“P’Kim…please…” Porchay whined when Kim was reluctant to go sleep in another room. They never did this before, they always have the promiscuity of poverty but now they had a huge house for them, with multiple rooms and Porchay wanted them to be separated. He was tasting the water, he was trying to not get them to burn the precious emotions they might have developed. He had the idea that to be sure of what they felt, they both should step away, learn to not be glued to each other every minute, so they would be able to breathe lightly, so they would be able to have their thoughts cleared of each other’s presence and to think about it in a metaphorical and inner way.

“Is it…a necessity?” Kim asked, pouting.

Porchay giggled witnessing his head, close to Star’s one who also wanted to snuggle on the bed. “Yes, P’Kim, easy, easy, okay?” He said, getting closer, patting the kitty and kissing Kim’s cheek. “Goodnight P’Kim.”

“Goo-goodnight.” Kim walked away, his face on fire. He was always a volcano, it felt weird. But when he got into the bed with Star and began to think about Porchay his heart was soothed, it was calm and quiet. He didn’t have to think about being at peace to be at peace. The boy’s face was enough to feel like this, the boy’s voice, just him. And Kim loved those emotions even if he had a hard time sleeping.

Porchay had the same problem. He didn’t like to be alone at all. He hated this but easy, he said easy, it was what to do. Thankfully he could rest a lot, his leg too, because the first thing Kinn said to him in the morning when he came downstairs made him crumble against the wall.

“Porchay…I think that I know where your brother is…”