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The monitor, beeping and beeping, was slowly driving all of them insane. Nala's head, resting in her sisters lap as she slept soundlessly, picked up and went down every now and again. She was dreaming, dreaming something none of them could even remotely understand. Violet rubs circles in her back in the hopes of calming her, but she knows it'll do so little in the end.
Jeremiah and Kadence sit on another couch, watching the silent Tv and trying to guess what they were saying. They'd been at it for a good two hours, finding entertainment and comfort within each others antics. A nurse comes in with a compress smile, almost as if she doesn't know how to interact with them.
"Just checking vitals," she says and then she's on her way towards the bed. Jeremiah can't help but to watch. He'd seen it before, he'd done it before. All of this was all too familiar, and no matter how much his heart screamed at him to go back to Finch, he stayed.
He stayed for Nala, for Violet and Kadence and everyone else who has to suffer this. A knock is placed on the door, his thoughts dissipating as he turns towards it.
Curly, brown hair ignites in the fluorescent lighting of the hallway. And then their face appears, and his stomach twists and turns but in all of the worst ways. Fight or flight, fight or flight, fight or fl- No time to think when everything's going haywire. His hands grip the seats arm rests, knuckles burning white the closer the intruder walks.
Fight or flight, fight or flight, fight or fl-
Kadence smiles and gets up, and she hugs him as if nothing ever happened. As if that boy hadn't broken Nala's heart, too. As if her daughter wasn't falling apart because she'd lost everything meaningful to her. Fight or flight, fight or flight, fight or fli-
"Kenai?" Her voice cuts through the chaos. Suddenly, everything and everyone stops inside his brain. That red hazard light is no longer flashing, no one's running around shouting orders and trying to gain access to the control panel.
Breathe in...
Breathe out...
"Hey," he says. His voice is monotone and distant, void of any care or emotion. It makes Jeremiah want to pounce, makes him wanna tear him apart until he's nothing more than clothes on the floor. A deep rage is festering and he isn't sure how to get rid of it.
"I just came to check in on everyone... Can't imagine how you guys are feeling."
It's the fact that she'd woken up when he got there, like her body knew he was there. Like it belonged to him or something. Did it? Did something else happen that she'd never told him about? Was it more than what was said?
Nala stands up, dusting off imaginary lint from her pants before hugging herself tightly. He can see it, he can see the breakdown coming. Her voice cracks as she speaks, "I'm gonna go get some air." But she doesn't grab her coat, she doesn't reach for her scarf or the hat Jeremiah failed to knit her.
Her hand grips the pendent sitting just below her collarbones, the wave, the one Steven gave her. God, she hadn't talked to him in so long. All she wants is to talk to him, to go back in time when everything was just so... Perfect.
She's out of there faster than the speed of light, and it takes him a moment to register what happened before he's on his feet, too. He's searching the halls for her, taking every turn but she never appears. Then, like a ghost, something brushes through the doors to the NICU. He see's her slumped shoulders, recognizes her hoodie and the way the sleeves go past her hands.
The way she's clutching that pendant.
Jeremiah goes after her, because he can't let her be alone, not when her entire world is crashing down yet again. She's standing in front of a large, glass window. Babies in bassinets, alarms strapped to their ankles. A single nurse in the room rocks one to sleep, and Nala just stands there, watching. Hesitantly, he makes his way over to her.
"There's this thing I read about a while ago, it's about soulmates and how, when humans were first made, we were made with an other half. Bonded together, we roamed the earth. Four arms, four legs, two heads, but one heart," she says. Her voice is low, almost as if she's afraid to speak. "The Gods were getting afraid, though. They thought the humans would get too powerful, so they split them up, hearts cracking into two.
"Now, we all roam the earth searching for our other half, the person we were made for."
He can't bring himself to smile, though. "What's wrong?"
Nala's head ducks as her chest grows heavy. "She's losing him all over again," She cries. "She's losing dad all over again and there's literally nothing I can do about it. "And I can't apologize for anything, I can't tell him how sorry I am for being such a brat since he came into the picture. I can't tell him that my outbursts and anger weren't his fault.
"I've just been so angry with the world since dad left, because he was everything to me. And then Joey comes in, and I thought was trying to replace him but he wasn't... He was just trying to be a good dad to me and Vi and now- now I can't-" They got lodged in her throat — the words, as Jeremiah pulls her close to him.
He holds her tight. "It's okay-"
"It's not." He's suddenly pushed away. There's mountains between them, and he wishes she could truly see them. See the water that flows, see the light refracting off of it as they stand at different peaks, miles and miles away from each other.
She sucks in a sharp breath, face contorting as more tears threaten to leak. "It's not okay. This is not okay, Jeremiah. My dad is dying. Dying as in, he's never going to come back when this is all said and done. You of all people should get that." And then she's moving, and then the door opens and closes and she's no longer there.
Mountains, miles and miles of mountains between them. Of course he understands. He understands the aching in her heart, the anticipation, the fear. He understands death more than anyone. She knows that... Why would she say that?
And then he breaks. Because he can't hold it in anymore, because he can't be strong for her when he can't even be strong for himself. He cries. Because he wishes he could back in time; before Finch and Nala, before Belly, before Susannah was gone forever. To be a kid again, naive and clueless of what's to come, is all Jeremiah Fisher could ask for right now.
Letter To The Reader:
I honestly have no idea when the next chapter will be out. I have terrible writers block right now, and I'm also going through a lot of personal stuff. I hope you can all be understanding of this. I wont be going on hiatus just yet because I at least want to try and figure out another chapter, but it truly gets worse, I'll have to.
I don't wanna pressure myself and then you guys aren't getting quality work from me anymore.
