Against Nature's Laws

Numbers

I couldn't tell anymore when I started having these attacks. I would feel sick to my stomach, my heart would start racing, and I would feel like I couldn't breathe, all while my brain was giving me a horror show on it's own.

This time was no different.

You're nothing but a burden, people smile in your face, then laugh behind your back at how stupid you are! Nobody likes you! You're just a disappointment. Who could ever date you? Even Duke stopped wanting to fuck you. You're disgusting them all, with your pathetic excuse of a life. If you died tomorrow, nobody would care. They would only be relieved to not having to fake being nice to you anymore. Even Dad hates you, he'd rather have you died than Mum.

I didn't know how long I've been laying there when I felt a cool hand brush the hair from my face.

„Oh, Lori, I'm so sorry", Bonnie murmured as she began to rub soothing circles on my back.

Slowly, Bonnie's presence dragged me back to the surface, leaving the abyss of my thoughts behind. She always knew how to bring me back from these episodes. Too often had she witnessed them, and it almost seemed as if she had a sixth sense when it came to knowing when I had my attacks.

„There you go," Bonnie whispered when I let out a shuddering breath. „Better?"

I sat up, pulling my knees to my chin, and nodded. „Yeah, thanks."

„Whatever your mind comes up with when that happens, it's not true," Bonnie said softly. „We all love you, and we'll always be there for you."

I averted my eyes. While it was nice to hear those words, the chilling doubt and feeling of betrayal still didn't leave my mind. Bonnie sighed next to me.

„Look, Elena only planned the dinner party between her, Stefan, and me, so she could sway my opinion on Stefan after I told her about my bad gut feeling. Then Caroline suddenly showed up with Damon and I really wanted to text you, but it got really awkward really fast," Bonnie explained. „I also wanted to spare you having to watch Caroline being all over Damon the whole evening," she added with a disgusted look on her face. „I swear to you, I've never seen her act like that, complying to his every demand. It was totally freaking me out and kinda creepy..."

I gave her a weak chuckle. „Guess both Salvatore's are creepy then, huh?"

Bonnie smiled warmly at me.

„Actually...Elena's little plot totally worked. I took your advice and gave him a chance. He's a really nice guy, I can understand why Elena's so smitten."

I wanted to know more about last night's evening and Bonnie indulged me, answering all my questions. From what I was hearing, I was actually thankful not to have been present. I really didn't need to see or hear Caroline gush all about Damon.

„I've never seen Care act like that," Bonnie said with a frown. „Whatever Damon asked her to do, she did it... Since when does Caroline do things she doesn't want to do?"

„Or not answer her phone," I added. „She's usually glued to the damn thing..."

„Yeah," Bonnie muttered, letting herself fall backwards on my bed. „I'm kind of worried, after Stefan's rejection she's been comparing herself to Elena again, and you know how she can get."

I groaned at that. Caroline was one of my best friends, and I loved her, but her falling down this rabbit hole never ended well.

„Sometimes I just want to shove some self-confidence down her throat," I answered. „It's not a freaking competition!"

„That's exactly what I told her too, but she sees that differently."

DING DONG!

I shot Bonnie a questioning look but she just shrugged her shoulders.