Choose us (Wilmon FF)

22

Wilhelm

He couldn't sleep. It was practically impossible. Wilhelm just lay in his bed and stared at the ceiling, hoping to find an answer. Because that fucking stinging in Wilhelm's chest wasn't just killing his sleep, it was killing his mind. Just knowing that he had hurt Simon was killing him inside. And he couldn't talk to anyone he...

"Oh...." he muttered. He understood. And that was the moment when Wilhelm's chest tightened. Where an imaginary stone bore down on his stomach and crushed him on his mattress. Wilhelm tried to breathe but it was so damn hard. His right hand found his chest and he began to massage his chest lightly, hoping that this lump in his lungs, this knot in his throat, would finally disappear. And finally Wilhelm was able to move away and stumbled into the bathroom.

The sudden bright light blinded him and Wilhelm squeezed his eyes shut, still trying to breathe again. It's all right, he told himself over and over again in his head, just don't panic. You have no reason. And then tears began to gather in his eyes and slowly flow down his cheek and then into his mouth. He brought the thumb of his right hand to his mouth and did what always made him feel safe. He did it with the knowledge of being distracted. Knowing that this little tiny pile of blood that formed there was deserved.

With trembling hands, Wilhelm somehow managed to get some plasters from the bathroom cupboard and bandage his thumb. He switched off the bright light again and slipped back into bed. When Wilhelm woke up again, he hadn't even had two hours of sleep.

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Wihelm: Simon, can we please talk again? (read)

If he didn't finish this meeting soon, he would fall asleep. The hour and a half of sleep had left its mark on Wilhelm. And the fact that Simon just ghosted him didn't even make it any better. But then Jan-Olof's redemptive words: "We're done for the day."
Wilhelm made every effort not to get up too quickly, but the looks on the faces of the other participants told him that he wasn't very good at it. But he didn't really care eighter.

And if his memory wasn't deceiving him, Simon had just finished his singing rehearsal and should be back in his room by now. So that was exactly where Wilhelm was going. Even though the risk of someone seeing him there was very high, he didn't really care. Wilhelm didn't care about anything right now. He just wanted to talk to Simon at last. So that's exactly what I'm going to do, Wilhelm thought as he knocked on the door.

"Good that you two are here... oh." Simon said as he pulled the door open. For a few seconds he was rooted to the spot. "You were expecting someone else." Wilhelm realized, "I can come back later..." And as if waking from a trance, Simon grabbed his wrist and pulled him roughly into his room. "Are you fucking stupid?" Simon asked stressed out and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, "Someone could have seen you and... my God, have you thought this through, Wilhelm? In any fucking way." His name on Simon's tongue was like salve for a wound in Wilhelm's soul. Simon typed a little on his cell phone as he walked to the bed, apparently sent a message and then threw his phone on his bed.

"I'm serious Wilhelm! What were you thinking!" Simon cursed to himself and paced back and forth. Wilhelm realized that he was perhaps exaggerating a little. "I wanted to talk to you and you ignored my messages," he explained and Simon shot him a little dismissive look. "Yeah, get the fucking hint." he hissed and Wilhelm felt like ripping himself apart in the middle or just sink into the damn floor and never come back up.

"Can we please just talk about it and find a solution?" mumbled Wilhelm, but Simon seemed to understand anyway. "What kind of solution? There is no solution. The only person I can talk to about me sleeping with the fucking crown prince is the fucking crown prince." Simon said, his voice raised but not shouting.
"That's why I'm here!" Wilhelm said, slowly losing his patience, "Please talk to me. And please do it normally. I'm really worried." And apparently the desperation in his voice did something to Simon, because his face softened and he took a deep breath.

He sat down and looked at Wilhelm expectantly. A little hesitantly, Wilhelm shuffled over to Simon on the bed and they slid into the middle of the double bed and sat down cross-legged. Wilhelm looked at Simon's hand, which slowly and carefully reached for Wilhelm's.

"Okay, Wille, listen. I like what we have, but it's tearing me apart that I can't talk to anyone about it. And as long as I can't, then I can't do this either," Simon said in a whisper. And there it was. The solution in Wilhelm's mind. "I have an idea." Wilhelm said slowly, still forming the plan in his head. Simon cocked an eyebrow. "Okay?"

"You can tell two people you can trust. But please people who have signed NDAs. And if there is no one and it's not possible, then I can understand if..." Wilhelm couldn't finish speaking. Simon practically tackled him and was suddenly on top of him. "Simon!" Wilhelm shouted with a laugh and wrapped his arms around Simon's waist. He pulled him as close to him as he could. As if he was wanting to melt into him.

Simon placed kisses over Wilhelm's face and said: "Thank you." over and over again. And finally Simon's mouth found Wilhelm's and it was...everything. It was like the first day of spring after winter. That feeling when the rain had stopped and there was this pleasant warmth in the air. And Wilhelm wanted more of it. Needed more of it.

"Is your door locked?" Wilhelm asked as the kisses became increasingly wild and needy; wanting and owning. Simon nodded as hastily as he tried to remove Wilhelm's shirt. And from there on Wilhelm didn't pay any attention to anything but Simons touch.

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After, they just lay in bed, as close to each other as possible, simply enjoying the moment. But after a while, Wilhelm realized that Simon was getting restless.
"Come on, spit it out," he said and Simon turned from where he was lying with his back against Wilhelm's stomach to his own. Wilhelm found a new curl of Simon's hair and twisted it with his index finger.

"When did you know... that you..." Wilhelm laughed lightly. "If I remember correctly," Wilhelm began, "about thirty seconds before you kissed me." It came out more as a question than a statement. "What?" Simon said, sitting up abruptly. "Yes, that's about right." Wilhelm replied with a laugh.

"Have you thought about telling the queen?" Simon asked and laid back down on Wilhelm's naked torso. Wilhelm chuckled softly. "You can call her my mother. Nothing wrong with that." Simon shook his head. "No way. Na. Ah." Still chuckling,Wilhelm leaned forward and gave Simon a kiss on the forehead before leaning back again and twirling a new strand of Simon's hair in his fingers.

"But no, not really. She feels like she's better off marrying me off to a woman." Wilhelm couldn't really hide his slight dismay. He didn't know if his mom would accept him and it hasn't been a thing he thought about until now. "But that's not fair." Simon protested, "You deserve to be happy."
"Maybe I would be happy."

Simon's face immediately became as hard as a rock, as if someone had just shot him. "But," Wilhelm continued hastily, "I know I'm happy with you. I know far too little about myself at the moment Simon. I'm sorry." Simon just shook his head vigorously. He now sat down completely on Wilhelm's lap. Simon reached for Wilhelm's face and craned his head up.

"Don't you dare apologize. Never apologize for being the way you are. So, as long as you're happy and healthy, everything's okay, okay?" Wilhelm nodded again before his lips found Simon's again.

And he'd be damned if he wasn't happy.