The boy in the back

Chapter 19: Wrong

She holds my face in her hands, her thumb rubbing over my lip, "Do you want to go upstairs and try to find a room and we can breathe?"

I shake my head frantically, "No, no, no, no, please, no."

"Hey hey, it's okay, we don't have to," She rises to her tippy toes and kisses me softly.

I can't kiss her back. Not here. It's too much.

"Do you want to go home?" She asks me.

I shake my head, "Go have fun, i'll stay here."

"No, i want to stay with you and make sure you're okay."

"Im fine," I run my hand through her hair.

"Come on, let's go tell Arlo, we're going."

Nellie holds my hand and i reluctantly trail behind her as she walks through the crowd to Arlo and Eva.

Eva looks the same way i do. Scared. With Arlo there trying to comfort her.

"Arlo, we're leaving." Nellie tells him.

"Yeah we're going too."

The group of us leave the party we had just arrived too and all go back to Arlo's house.

"Do you need to shower?" Nellie asks me.

I shake my head.

"Baby, what's wrong?" She slowly blinks at me her eyes jumping over my face.

"I just um, i don't know, i just um." I can't speak properly.

There's something wrong with me. I shouldn't ne like this.

"I'm right here, i've got you." Nellie tells me.

"I-i n-need," I stutter, "Breathe." I whisper to myself.

"Henry, what's going on? Are you having a panic attack?" Nellie looks at me worryingly.

I shake my head, i'm fine. I'm fine.

"It's okay, it's gonna be okay." Nellie hugs me.

I need to go home.

I grab my phone and message my mum telling her i'm ready to be picked up.

"Do you need a lift home?" I ask Nellie coldly.

"No it's okay, i'm staying with Eva."

I nod.

My mum texts to tell me she's here and i have a sudden kick of guilt for just leaving my friends. But i can't function, i'm not okay.

"My mums here," I get up off of the sofa we had sat on.

Arlo gives me a hug, i cringe at the touch, i can't stand people touching me right now.

Eva smiles at me and i can't return it.

Nellie kisses my cheek, "Message me if you need okay?"

I nod, getting out her grip and going out the front door as quick as i can.

I climb into mums car.

She tries to touch my hair but i turn my head, sinking into my chair.

"You okay?" She begins to drive.

"Yeah." I lie.

She crawls into my lap and begins to kiss me.

I bite my lip and try not to cry or gag. I can't live with this anymore. It's too hard.

As soon as we get home i go upstairs to my room, closing the door and i let the tears go.

I begin to sob.