Issac's Perspective
It was hardest when I wasn't with the kids.
The hardest part of dealing with my anger and fear was when I was alone, with no one to distract me from my thoughts. Looking at myself in the mirror was like looking through a portal to hell, with a demon wearing my face.
But I knew I couldn't let my anger, fear, and bitterness consume me. I had to keep pushing forward, not only for my own sake but for the sake of my children. They needed a strong and stable presence in their lives, someone they could rely on.
And when my wife came home to us, we would deal with me.
So, I consciously tried to spend as much time with my children as possible. I worked from home whenever I could so I could be there when they needed me. We played games together, read books, and watched movies. Anything to focus on them or work and take my focus off the chaos between my ears.
The final group was 34 people going for the "first encounter" mission. Despite the diverse backgrounds and empty seats on the rocket, there was no need to a lowly astronomer.
The rocket they would be taking was the largest one available at SpaceX, equipped with three stages of engines to give us the power they needed to make it to the moon and back. I really hoped there would be a return trip.
I walked out of the bathroom, where I just washed my face for the 30th time that day, and was ambushed by my kids. Aurora held the remote and pointed at the living room, asking with a hopeful smile and bright eyes. "Can we go wave bye-bye to Mommy?"
Time froze, and a mixture of emotions flooded my chest and heart. My ears rang for a second before, despite the turmoil inside me, I gritted my teeth and smiled as pleasantly as I could, nodding in agreement. My heart ached when I looked down at my children's hopeful faces. I knew I had to do this for them. "Sure, we can go wave to Mommy as the rocket takes off," I said, trying to keep my voice steady.
My son Leo, who had been playing with his toy rocket ship, looked up at me. "Really, Dad? We get to see Mommy's rocket ship take off?"
I nodded, trying to smile. "Yes, we do. It's going to be a big adventure."
My daughter's eyes widened with excitement. "Can we bring signs, Dad? Like 'Good luck, Mommy'?"
I nodded again. "Of course, we can. We'll make some signs and cheer Mommy on."
As I walked away, I took out my phone and texted Miles and Sarah, letting them know we were coming. I wasn't expecting a response. Just needed to tell someone.
I didn't know why.
I asked the kids to find some big paper and for Aurora and Leo to choose the colors they wanted while I went to the bathroom again. They nodded and ran off as I played with my phone and, for some reason, decided to text Ethan that we were going to the spaceport to see Sarah off with the kids.
I turned to walk into the bathroom again when the phone dinged. Looking down, I saw Ethan sent a picture of him and Ryan with a thumbs up. A second message came in saying they were driving and coming.
My mind was still foggy as I helped the kids make their signs. "You got this, Mommy!" was written in big bold letters on each poster. It was a simple message, but I hoped it would give Sarah the boost she needed.
As I finished taping the signs, Ethan walked in and announced we were ready. My initial confusion at his sudden appearance dissipated as I remembered giving him and Ryan a spare key to the house.
Still dazed, I followed my kids to Ryan's car, which he had already prepared with the car seats for Aurora and Leo. As we climbed into the car, Ryan and Ethan handed each bag of cheeseburgers and fries. "I figured you probably forgot to eat before we left," Ryan said with a grin.
