you're on your own, kid

four) i didn't choose this town;

Chapter Summary: After returning from Lonnie's, Jonathan needs to take a break and Addison and Joyce experience something that could change their lives forever. 

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chapter four: i didn't choose this town

November 8th, 1983

The ride back to Hawkins seems shorter than the ride to Lonnie's had felt, maybe because they weren't dreading having to interact with him now. But there's a dread far more sinister growing in the depths of both of them, and surely within Joyce as well.

Addison has been trying not to even think about the worst case scenario, but with Lonnie's being another dead end, it's getting harder and harder to remain positive.

She keeps telling Jonathan that it's not his fault, and that's true, but now that she has the chance to sit with her thoughts and now that she's far removed from the drama involving Steve that had seemed so catastrophic earlier today, she can feel her own guilt creeping in.

What if she had been there the night he had gone missing? She was supposed to be, but at the last minute she'd decided to go to Sherry's to grab a few things and pay the bills before the power to the apartment was shut off. One day she'll be able to let go of the feelings of obligation she has to keep that apartment livable, but that hadn't been the day.

She knows, logically, that there's nothing that she could have done. He went missing on Mirkwood, as far as they know, that's where his bike was. He probably never made it home that night. But just like her brother, the guilt is winning out against logic for the moment. She wonders if that will pass.

It's not dark yet when they pull into the driveway but they can tell that the lights inside the house are on. They get out of the car and she knows that Jonathan knows she's overthinking just by the way he glances at her. She gives a little shake of her head to let him know she's not ready to talk about it. He accepts that. She's grateful.

When they step inside the house, all of the lights are on, and Joyce is dozing on the armchair she moved over by the phone. The old one sits on the floor where Joyce must have thrown it before installing the new one. She's glad that she's resting. She knows it's probably not a peaceful sleep, but it's more than she's gotten since all of this started. It feels like it's been weeks rather than barely over twenty-four hours. Has it even been that long?

She watches as Jonathan takes in the sight before him, watches as he glances down the hall where Will's bedroom door is closed, and her heart breaks a little bit more. She wishes more than anything that this was over, fuck, she wishes that it had never even happened. Why did something so terrible have to happen to the best people that she knows? They deserve nothing but happiness.

"Addy, I...I can't stay here right now," he says and she can already hear the panic slowly rising in his voice. She can understand how he's feeling. She's been feeling constantly restless since yesterday morning, and none of them have really had a moment to themselves to breathe. She understands his need for it.

"Go ahead," she says without hesitation, looking back over at Joyce before back at Jonathan again. "Get some air, go for a walk. I'll stay here."

She can see the way he thinks about it, how he mulls it over in his head. She knows that, like herself, Jonathan is still holding onto unnecessary guilt about Will's disappearance, that he must be thinking about the possibility that something bad might happen while he's not home again. Addy wishes that there was something she could say or do to relieve that anxiety. But, genuinely, the only thing that will do that is their little brother coming home.