Paináwa

Prologue

As I walked through the hallway trying to find the faculty room amidst the chaotic students who were trying to find their way out of the crowd, I spotted a familiar person.

He looked like that guy but I couldn't be so sure so I ignored it. I finally found the faculty room and I was welcomed by the professors inside.

"Welcome back, Zielle! I knew it, aabutan mo pa 'ko." Ma'am Rose said. She was my professor on Psychological Assessment as well as our Organization Adviser before I left the Philippines to study abroad. "Dito rin nagtrabaho si Dave dito eh." So he really stayed for me.

"Good morning. Let's start the day with a prayer although some of you might be agnostic or atheist— Oh, Dave you made it on time. Come on, let's pray."

I'm fucked up. I shouldn't have accepted the job offer here.

"Dear Lord, we ask for your guidance as we begin this academic year. We ask that you guide every professor I am here today so that they'll have patience to guide these future professionals. I also hope that we get along well as we'll be each other's comrades for years. All these we ask through Jesus' name, amen."

I got myself settled first. My classes start at 8:30 and it's only 7:00 a.m. so I still have time to prepare. I saw that Davelan's name was beside my table. These people, really. I'm fine, but I don't want him to get awkward.

I left him without him knowing. I thought he'd be happy that I gave up the position of Vice President on External Affairs so that he'll be with Julie but he wasn't. I got a message from our group saying he's mad and he doesn't want to continue his candidacy anymore. I ignored them. At that time, I didn't want to be involved with them anymore.

"So.. you're back? And without giving us any notice again." he said while fixing his shirt. God, he still looks attractive wearing long sleeves. "Yeah, well you didn't give me a heads up too when you suddenly changed my position, right? Alam mong we were a tandem pero pinagpalit mo 'ko without me knowing. I guess.. quits na tayo." I replied. He stayed quiet. I felt guilty because it wasn't just his fault — it was mine too. I couldn't help but think ano ba talaga 'yung reason niya.

After all, we're professionals na. We're working adults and maybe he's with a wife and a kid right now. He's gay but he said he still wants to settle with a wife. He told me those things as he hoped we'd be the perfect match for each other. Well, that was 9 years ago. We had different priorities at that moment and one of those was finishing college. We didn't take each other seriously but we were fine — that's what I thought.

"I'm sorry for that day. I should've told you this a long time ago but I really liked you then. I just couldn't be as professional as you so I tried hurting you." he couldn't look at me as he tried to distract himself. "We weren't in a committed relationship. I know that you're scared of commitment at that time, and I was too." At this time, he looked me straight in the eye. He looked at me as if he didn't care that other people were inside the room. Other professors were just listening 'cause they know our past.

We were quite famous back in the days. We were a tandem and wherever we go, people would think that we were a couple. They'd tell us that we look good together because we were both tall and we were both on the same path.

"Zielle, I'm not asking for forgiveness but hear me out. The day you left was the day I also lost all of it. I did not expect you to take it that way. I thought that our relationship was strong and it wouldn't hurt you when I told you I didn't need you anymore but, up until now it hurts. Sobrang sakit at mas sumakit ngayon na nakita kitang maayos na." his tears finally escaped his eyes.