lana del rey imagines

ꨄ︎ seasons may change but we won't ꨄ︎

"But we're not married yet," Lana keeps teasing, gradually dragging you along into the nearest empty room.

Deep down, you know I already am, is the sassy response you want to offer, but you decide to use another technique this time.

"You're right. We're just engaged. You could change your mind and marry someone else. Someone better."

Instead of laughing or snorting sarcastically, Lana frowns. "Someone better?"

The two of you walk into the room, your fingers intertwining in strands of her long feather-soft hair.

"There's got to be someone better than me out there, right?"

"I don't need someone better. I'm better because I have you. And you are more than enough."

You were just kidding, of course, because you know she'd choose you again if she had to, either in this life or in the ones to come. But Lana apparently didn't realize that because the tone of her voice, as well as her look, have become so dead serious. Which makes her look even hotter. This woman would die and kill for you, you have no doubt about that.

However, as you lie on your back on the bed, and Lana climbs on top of you, her now free hands on your face after disinterestedly dropping the baby monitor nearby, some real doubts wash over you. Because inevitably, that's the way you are.

"I can see the way it hurts you, Lana..." You whisper with such honesty, it confuses her.

"What?"

Your lips turn up in a weak smile. "Children. You love taking care of someone else's kiddos, but it hurts that they're not your own."

"Whoa." The mood seems to change drastically for Lana, who within seconds climbs off of you to sit on the bed instead. "What- what's goin' on? Why are you saying these things all of a sudden?"

You sit upright too, so you can talk to her open-heartedly face to face.

"Because we're getting married next summer and I can't tolerate the idea that you'll never be really happy with me if-"

"I don't need children to be happy." She snaps, staring at you in disbelief. "You know what, I'm not doin' this. Not now."

"Lana, hold on," you take her hand, stopping her from getting out of bed. "You see, I don't believe you. You talk about it with our friends, in your songs... But never with me. Why's that?"

"Because it will change us!" Lana admits, heaviness already making her chest ache. "Talking about starting a family, about having kids, always affects a couple, for better or worse. And I'm not that fucking lucky. I can't lose this, you. I just can't."

You move closer the moment your fiancée looks down, your forehead coming to rest against hers.

"Hey, you're not losing me, Lana. C'mon, it's me. You'd need to move to another country to get rid of me, which wouldn't work, because I would be on the plane with you already." That makes her smile as a lone tear runs down her cheek. "You're happy, I'm happy, and we've never been better in our relationship, but.... I don't want you to give up on your dreams. What kind of wife would I be if I let that happen?"

She nods sympathetically. More tears fall. "I do want to be a mom. So fucking much. I just don't want to do it alone..."

"Alone? Hello? I'm right here, ma'am." After several attempts chasing her elusive gaze, Lana finally looks at you. "I'm right here, my love, and I'm not going anywhere."

Just as she opens her mouth to speak, a sob is heard from the monitor. You both frown at the device. It looks like someone faked their sleep too well.

"It's okay, I've got her," you hasten to say. "I need the practice, anyway."

To your surprise, Lana agrees. "Yes, you kinda do."

"Ouch." After a moment of feigning your offense, you lean forward. Your fingertips wiping away the trace of her tears. "I'm such a shitty fiancée for making you cry, I'm sorry."

"You acknowledge my feelings, that's not being shitty. And if I cry it's because I can be myself with you, because you're my safe place."

You stand up, blinking away your tears. "I'm- I'm just gonna get the hell out of here before I'm the one crying."

Lana releases a faint chuckle. "Okay...."

You don't leave the room, however, without first returning to her side and kissing her with all the love you have for her. Only when Lana is completely alone do new tears begin to slide down her face again. Gazing around the room, she can picture it so vividly; a crib, tiny clothes, baby toys everywhere, bedtime stories.

The colors of that life are bright, and they are calling out for her. They always have.

*

Lana makes her way to the room you share after realizing you haven't returned. The scene she encounters makes her melt in place almost.

Half of the pillow fortress is gone. You're lying next to the baby, your phone close to the level of her ear, a soft song playing.

You smile when Lux does. She's in the middle of falling asleep, which is cute.

"I know, right? Chemtrails is my favorite too," you softly say.

Lana can't hide her amused beam. Woe betide the child that comes into your lives as they will never know anything other than her entire discography.

Carefully, she lies down next to Lux as well, the two of you being her main protection now. You reach for her with your arm and Lana hugs you back instantly. Her emerald eyes study yours in search of doubts, fear, regrets of any kind.

There's only certainty, confidence, love.

But....

"If you changed your mind...."

"We'll be great moms." You say, your hand tracing soft caresses on her arm.

"You mean it?" The hope in her voice is also reflected in her gaze, and you want to treasure it forever.

"I do. Let's do it, love."

Lana nods, trusting your word. Happiness and rush, sparkles and enthusiasm bloom from the depths of her soul.

"All right, baby... Let's do it."

She thought she had it all, and perhaps she currently has, but now there's a new change coming. One that will most certainly revolutionize every aspect of your lives, including the love you two have for each other; it will make it stronger, more than it already is.

And that, will never change.

***