Turning Point (A 9-1-1 Buddie fanfic)

Chapter 8

"I thought I could do it, Maddie… I thought I could convince myself that just being part of his life would be enough. But I don't want to go back to that. I can't." He looked down and swallowed at the lump forming in his throat. "I love him."

She squeezed his hand. "He just needs time, Buck."

.-.-.-.-.

Night had set in by the time Eddie was nearing the end of one of the longest shifts he had had in a long while. He spent the day as the butt of many jokes, receiving many different pieces of advice on how to make it up to Buck.

"Flowers!" Ravi had said, followed by, "What? I love flowers," after the comment had raised many an eyebrow.

"Just talk to him," Hen had advised, several times.

"Or, you could do a Buck and ask him to move in," Chimney had added.

Bobby, of course, was in agreement with Hen. He passed a cup of coffee to Eddie as the latter sat in the quiet of the loft, the others busy in their own affairs, and took a seat beside Eddie. "Buck… he wears his heart on his sleeve and when he's feeling a certain way, those emotions are big and intense. So, sometimes he acts a little rash. But you already know all this, Eddie."

Eddie stared down into the cup, holding it in both hands. "The thing is, with Buck… everything feels right. Chris loves him and you've seen Buck with Chris. I could sit and watch them for hours, but there's this feeling in my chest. Telling Chris would make all of this more real, and if that happens…"

"What?" Bobby questioned. "What's holding you back?"

"What if I screw it up, Bobby?" Eddie pushed out a breath and leaned back in his seat, running his hands over his face. "It wouldn't exactly be the first relationship I've screwed up. Hell, I've already messed up and that's even before we've told Christopher… and Chris is already asking where Buck is and when he's coming over."

Bobby breathed in. "When Athena and I first started seeing each other, I felt like I was finally allowed to live again. I finally gave myself permission to live and love, and I wanted to show her off to the world and give her everything I had. But Athena wasn't ready. She was still dealing with her own stuff, and I was hurt and angry…"

Eddie watched Bobby carefully, taking in the solemn smile as he listened. "So, what did you do?"

"We had a fight. I asked her to leave and she did." Bobby nodded and thinned his lips at the memory, sadness taking hold in his eyes until he looked at Eddie and smiled again. "You're allowed to be scared Eddie and it's allowed to hurt. That's how you know it's real. You think me and Athena never fight?" He scoffed at the very thought of it. "With how headstrong she is? That doesn't mean we don't love each other and when we screw up, we work it out. Because that's what love is."

Eddie swallowed at the tightness in his throat, his gaze falling again as he thought about Bobby's words.

"I've seen the way you look at Buck, Eddie. And I've seen the way he looks at you. If that's not love, I don't know what is."

.-.-.-.-.

By the time his shift was over, Eddie had made up his mind. Truthfully though, there was no real question about it. No matter the fear he felt at the thought of screwing up, it was nothing compared to the absolute aching in his chest that he got when he thought about life without Buck. Now he just had to figure out how he was going to tell Chris.