Sokeefe Snippets

Her Fault

Keefe's POV (yes, again)

Sophie kept repeating it, over and over again. He was confused - she hadn't been the one to stab Sandor. How could it be her fault? Her monotone voice sent shivers down his spine when she didn't react to him calling her name. The guilt had doubled, making him start crying. It was a searing heat in his chest, he'd done something wrong, he knew it. Then he realized what was wrong.

Sophie, he thought. It's probably my fault she's like this. I could've come right after the attack and comforted her, telling her it was not her fault and she might've believed me. She didn't come to me because she didn't think she deserved it, but she deserves so much more - if I'd reminded her of that, we wouldn't be here. I figured she knew what she was doing, just thinking through it by herself - but I was wrong. I'd made the wrong decision. AGAIN. It's all my fault. This is because of me, I know it.

Keefe's hands were shaking at the revelation. The girl he loved - had always loved - might be breaking... because of him.

The thought was too much, he couldn't handle it. Between Sophie repeating his thoughts, "It's all my fault, it's all my fault," with tears streaking down both of their faces, and his lips trembling, he felt like he might break himself. He was shaking his head frantically, needing to get the wretched ideas out of it. Keefe gripped his head and cried out in frustration. His breathing quickened along with his heartbeats. They pounded in his ears, worsening his throbbing headache.

He had to stop. He knew it, but he couldn't. It was just easier to retreat into his mind and think he deserved it. but he didn't. And neither did she. The only thing Keefe could see through his tears was Sophie.

Sophie. His Sophie. His Foster.

At that moment, Keefe decided: No matter what, he was going to help her out of this. He was going to help BOTH of them out of this. He won't break. She would suffer too much if he did.

He took her hand and tilted her face towards him. Sophie's eyes were glazed over, her dry lips repeating those four words over and over again. It was honestly getting a bit annoying. She looked like she was dead or in a trance. Which is why, he started repeating his own four words, over and over again, overlapping her chants. "It's not your fault, it's not your fault, Foster."

He kept saying those words for a minute or so and noticed she'd been slurring her words. The chanting had gotten slower, and the glaze over her eyes peeled away. For what seemed like the first time in forever, Keefe saw Foster staring back at him with clear eyes - until they welled with tears.

Keefe's eyes widened, he leaned in and rubbed her arms. "Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?" He wanted to smack himself for that comment - of course not! She's crying!

But Sophie leaned into him and clutched his shirt in her hands. Sobbing, she managed to get out, "I'm so sorry, Keefe."

"No," he panicked. "You have to stop being sorry! That's what the problem is!"

"I know," she sniffled. "I'm sorry for being sorry. I wasn't thinking straight - I should've gone to you like always. But I... I didn't know how to explain the feeling where... you're such a horrible person you might as well..." She trailed off.

"...Kill yourself?" Keefe guessed. A tiny nod from Sophie into his chest broke a little piece of his heart. "Foster," he whispered, holding her in his arms and moving her into his lap. After a bit of trying to get into a comfortable position, the two rested with Sophie on top of Keefe while he sat up across her pillows on the bed. Her head was still content buried in his chest, and he felt the calm radiating off of her like a cat after a mid-afternoon nap. (A/N: cat reference >:) )

"But I'm good now," she said after a while. "What... What made you better?" Keefe hesitated to ask. He wasn't sure if she'd be comfortable talking about it.

"I remembered something from back in the Forbidden Cities," Sophie explained. "In school, we learned about what suicide means and why not to do it. What causes it and all that? I can remember two times my teacher said major things: 'Suicide is a permanent punishment for a temporary problem,' and 'It doesn't get rid of the pain, it just gives it to someone else'. I knew I didn't want that, I didn't want you to feel pain because of that. Then I sort of wondered why, and all the memories of you and me came rushing to the front of my mind. I could see every time you comforted me, or made me laugh or smile, all your stupid smirks and teases, and -"

"You don't like it when I tease you?" Keefe interrupted.

Sophie put a finger to his lips. "uh-uh-uh, I'm talking," she giggled. "And no - I love your smile and your jokes, and the way you can do them both even in bad situations, and I know all the great things about you. I'd thought to myself, 'I can't hurt this person like this... I love him too much.'"

Keefe's heart melted at her words. He'd waited forever to hear her say that, and even if she never had, he'd been ready to wait until she did. Because he would never pressure her into anything, he loved her too much for that. So, grateful she'd already said it, Keefe looked into her eyes. "And I love you too much to lose you like that."

Gently, he wiped the last tear off her cheek. He kissed her cheek and they both smiled at each other. Eventually, Keefe spoke back up. "So... you're okay now?" Sophie looked at him. "Yes, Keefe. I'm okay now. And I -"

Before she could finish, her Imparter started ringing. They jumped, quickly found it, and answered it. It was Elwin. "Guys!" Elwin exclaimed. "It's Sandor!"

Sophie's face fell. "Is something wrong?" she whispered. Keefe felt her dread from a mile away as they awaited his answer. He sat down and pulled her into his lap.

"What? No - he just got clearance to go back to his role as your bodyguard!" Elwin said. Sophie's smile brightened the whole room and Keefe couldn't help laughing from the pure joy flowing out of her. "What's he laughing at?" Elwin asked.

Sophie looked away from the Imparter sheepishly. "Probably me, somehow," she admitted.

"You're just so happy!" Keefe smirked. "How am I not supposed to react positively to the pure, utter joy coming off of you when we're barely a foot apart?"

She - for whatever reason, Keefe didn't know - moved away from him. That made him laugh harder. "You know a few feet doesn't make a difference, right? In fact, we've had this exact same conversation before." He winked. Sophie's face turned bright pink. "As far as I remember, we were interrupted by the Forklenator. Have you ever wondered what would happen if he hadn't been there?" At the memory, Sophie's cheeks grew even darker. At this remark, Elwin left the call.

Keefe closed the distance between them. "Would you like to know?"

For a few seconds, Sophie simply stared at him, her cheeks flaming. Then she shook her head, "Maybe later - Sandor's okay! We have to go check on him and -"

"Does later mean now?" Keefe fake-pouted. She laughed at his antics and ran out of the room, prompting him to chase her. He gladly did, up the staircase and to the Leapmaster. It still surprised him how perfectly fine she was - all her emotions were in check, despite everything she just went through. He supposed it was since she realized she was being a bit ridiculous with thinking Sandor's injuries were her fault.

At the very last step of the stairs, Sophie tripped - and fell right into his arms. She laughed and smiled. "Thanks, Keefe."

"I'll always be here to catch you, Foster," he promised. "Always."

She beamed and called for the crystal. It wasn't her fault. He was glad she understood that now.