Turning Point (A 9-1-1 Buddie fanfic)

Chapter 2

Arms crossed above his head as he laid in bed, Eddie stared up at the ceiling. Christopher had been asleep for hours and Eddie felt envious of how quickly his son had slipped off into the land of slumber. For him, his mind was racing too much. Even his tired and aching body refused to relax, tension running throughout.

He tried to go over it in his mind, tried to figure out how it had happened and when, but the more he thought back, the more it caused memories to surface that made his heart race and the more he thought, the more they consumed him. When did he start to see Buck as more than a friend? When did he find himself so drawn to that smile, everything else disappearing into the background whenever it lit up Buck's face? And why did it hurt so much?

"Pull yourself together, Diaz," he tried to command himself.

Buck was his friend. His best friend. He had his back, no matter what. Then there was Chris. Buck loved Chris like he was his own son. There was no way Eddie could put that at risk. No, he had to get this thing under control. But it was damn near impossible when every time Buck was right there, logic and reason took a backseat.

"Mierda," he cursed, rolling onto his side to stare at the numbers on his alarm clock.

The hurt on Buck's face earlier that day cut him deep, guilt churning at his stomach. But it was easier to push Buck away, easier to put distance between them, than it was to admit to his feelings, than to allow those feelings to slip through. The light-headedness and tightness in his chest at Buck's touch, the fear that his body and words would betray him… The panic of what would happen if he allowed himself to give in.

"I don't panic," he tried to convince himself, burying his face into his pillow.

And of course, he was right. He had walked through bullets and fire, watched buildings falling down around him, and dug himself out of the earth itself. Eddie Diaz didn't panic, except for when he did.

.-.-.-.-.

It was early afternoon when the bell in the firehouse went and the 118 took their places in the engine, heading off towards the freeway and the four-car accident that was waiting for them. Hen couldn't help but notice the deliberate gap between Eddie and Buck, sharing a glance with Chimney as the engine set off. Neither brought it up, despite the unsettled feeling that seemed to echo in the empty space left behind.

"So, Maddie thinks we should be starting to look at preschools for Jee-Yun," Chimney said, no doubt his attempt at breaking into the awkward silence. "But like, isn't she still a little too young for that?"

"It's never too soon to start looking at preschools," Hen advised, following his lead. "Believe me. We took nearly six months to find the right one for Denny, and that's without the waiting lists."

"Oh yeah, I heard about that," Buck joined in. "How some people put their kids on the waiting list before they're even born."

"But that's not a real thing, right?" Uncertainty and a hint of fear lined Chimney's voice. "Right?"

Hen held her hands up and offered up a shrug, unable to keep the smile from her face. She looked to Eddie, who had been quietly staring out of the window the whole time. "What about Christopher? How old was he when you signed him up for preschool?" When Eddie didn't answer, she nudged his knee with hers. "Eddie?"

Eddie pulled his attention away from the world beyond the window and back toward the others, his look of confusion clearly betraying that he had not been listening to the conversation. "Huh?"

"Preschool, Chris," Chimney answered, summarising the question. "How old was he?" But when Eddie continued to look at him blankly, Chimney's eyes narrowed on him and he leaned forward a little. "You okay there, pal?"