Paris / Ted Lasso

9. Siri Call Shithead

"Siri, call Shithead." Rebecca demanded.

"Good morning."

"There is nothing in The Sun about Ted and Keeley.  Nothing." she spat. "Are you in your office?"

"Of course I am." He lied as he looked around the breakfast table at his kids.

"Then get up here now."

"Knock, knock. Hey, boss, I don't know about you," Ted remarked with a chipper morning smile. "but I had an absolute peach of a Sunday. Here you go." He handed off the biscuits as per usual. "Yeah, finally saw Big Ben. Boy, I thought I'd seen the biggest clock there was. When I was a kid, my folks took me to the Allen-Bradley Clock Tower up there in Milwaukee. They ended up leaving me there all by myself. Yeah, three hours and 42 minutes. You know how I know that?"

"You were staring at a clock?"

"I was staring at a clock. That's exactly right. Yeah, bingo." Ted agreed. "That's a little bit of a mystery puzzle. You figured it out right away. You're a sharp cookie."

"Ted." She interrupted.

"Yeah."

"Speaking as we were mere moments ago, about time, I unfortunately don't have any. I have a branding meeting, so..."

"I always feel so bad for the cows, but you gotta do it otherwise they get lost." Ted remarked matter of factly, Rebecca dead panned. "That was a branding joke. If we were in Kansas right now, I'd just be sitting here waiting for you to finish laughing. Yeah. I'll see ya tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. Counting the minutes." Rebecca agreed.

"Hi Ted," Poppy remarked.

"You have my 'Bird seed biscuits?" Birdie attempted a wink at Ted.

"Let me see... ba-bam!" Ted held it out for her

"You are the best Mr Ted!" Birdie declared.

"You in on that branding meeting with the Cows?" Ted questioned.

"With the Cows? Well I suppose they can be cows but I didnt expect you to call them that." Poppy mused. Ted chuckled.

"Shithead-"

"Rude." Poppy countered coming into the office.

"Siri, call shithead, again!" Rebecca demanded. Poppy cocked her head as Birdie ran to the window looking for the team on the pitch, they werent up yet.

"What did Shithead do?" Poppy pondered.

"Nothing you need to worry about." Rebecca assured.

"This son of a gun's gonna go all the way down here." Ted remarked. "Crystal Palace kicked our booties last week. And this here, is our current offense that we are running," Ted looked at Beard and Nate. "and I think it stinks! Get rid of it." He wiped the board clean. "Now, you might be wondering why'd I draw all that up there just to erase it. And that is because I believe in symbolic gestures."

"Now, look, our whole offense right now is all give-and-go. Give the ball to Jamie and everyone else can go to hell." Ted realized. "So, I am officially on the prowl for any new ideas, you hear?"

"What do you need from me today? Something hands on please." Poppy begged. "Put me on the pitch coach!" Poppy demanded. "Ted said something about branding cows, I mean thats... accurate."

"Yes thats not until later, you already went through-"

"Yeah because I'm awesome." Poppy agreed.

"I have a real tricky time hearing folks that don't believe in themselves." Ted countered as Nate stumbled with his words. "I'm gonna ask you real quick again. Do you think this idea will work?"