Ever since I met you

Chapter 8

The streets weren't that crowded which I liked and it was hard to decide what food I wanted but eventually as I walked I got to a small diner where I sat down and ordered fries, just fries, cheap and tasty. Look I don't have enough money to spend on a normal meal. After eating I strolled around the streets more. Just didn't want to go home just yet. As if there is something bad waiting home, not true but I guess at least I don't spend my time in my room and kind of in the fresh air right now, well the cars do make the air not so fresh but at last I am outside and not inside in my room being on my laptop most of the time if I do homework that is. Kind of want to neglect my homework for a bit. I know it is bad but I really don't care as much anymore.

Walked to the park. Sat down on a bench and took out my notebook and a pen. Wrote some words out, a lot of them. Went on my phone for a bit and then back at the paper again. This wart on for like half an hour. Got bored and so walked along the trail of the park. Not that many people in the park today and the weather is fairly nice too. So walking around was fun. I listened to music while walking. Didn't stay long in the park and walked to the nearest bus stop from where I can directly go home.

When at home, I did homework ate early dinner and went on my laptop, played a game. A free game but a game nonetheless. I did that for like an hour or so. Then decided to try and make my writing be pulled together into something. This took me some time. I think I was getting it sort of finished actually. I never finished my personal projects like ever and this one seems like the most almost finished one, I am proud of myself, I think. Maybe I am actually not that worthless after all. I can finish something that isn't school related, wow. I am happy right now.

This small timed happiness really made my world become better, even for a bit. It made me want to do more things, I did my homework, even the projects that were due in like a week or two. I read a book, a novel I liked, still part for he series. Then I hope din the shower and did an entire routine there which wasn't normal for me at all. I even cared how I would dress for tomorrow school. Like how? Why would I care? But apparently my mood did and so I picked a better outfit than my usual ones. Who am I? I don't know this person. Like can be strange and awesome at the same time I guess.

I got distracted by Dominic texting me.

Dominic: Hey. Do you have a good book to recomend me to read?

I thought about the gay books I've read but knew I shouldn't really recommend him those.

Lucas: Oh wait I'll see about that.

I send him a picture of a few books I thought he would like to read.

Dominic: Thanks. I think I like the second picture book.

Lucas: It is a good one. A bit thick but good plot and actually entertaining but the start might be a bit slow at first.

Dominic: Thanks will keep in mind.

Lucas: Why did you ask in the first place? Just curious.

Dominic: Oh. as holidays are approaching and no school for a few weeks I will get bored and thought that I should read a book and since you like to read I thought to ask you and we could discuss about it after I read it.

Lucas: Cool.

Dominic: What are you doing right now?

Lucas: Cleaning up.

Dominic: Productive.

Lucas: Very and strangely.

Dominic: Funny.

Lucas: I am not.

Dominic: I know.

Lucas: So why lie?

Dominic: I am not lying!

Lucas: You are.

Dominic: Nah.

Lucas: So what are you doing?

Dominic: Playing a game on my phone before I got the idea to text you.

Lucas: What game?

He send me the photo of the game.

Lucas: I know this one.

Dominic: Do you have it on your phone?

Lucas: Yes.

Dominic: Wanna play a team?

Lucas: Sure.

We played the game together through a call and it was fun. We had won quite some times and Dominic was a way better player than I was. Well it was fun playing with him and just talking with him in general. My evening was the bets one I've had in years. I hope this kind of mood would last for a long time. I really hope so. Soon I am planing on telling my parents about the bullying, I am fed up with them and I want this whole thing gone. I might get hurt more afterwards but at last I will be happy knowing my parents knew of their doings. Maybe this year in school will be better than the ones I had before, maybe for once in my life things will go well. Things started to go better but for how long can this last?

I still would love to rant a bit about my writing. I am confident I could finish one poem completely and start pulling together maybe two more, I might write more in the process. I think I am getting a stronger urge to write more often now which I think is a good thing. Maybe later in my life I would like to try and publish it to the world. It would be awesome to be honest but as long as people would like to read I am ok with and it doesn't have to make me rich or anything, I would just love for people to appreciate my work and effort. Maybe I would be worth it for something finally.

I wish to be loved. Like have a boyfriend, would love that person to be Dominic but I doubt that is realistic. I can only dream about someone actually liking me in that way. I don't even know if I would be a good boyfriend in terms of being taken care of, as I have too many problems, mental ones at that and so I think your partner wouldn't want to be burdened with that much responsibilities, my parents are already and they are struggling and I don't one another person to be as well. I don't think being friends with me makes me that much a burden to them which is good. I have no clue how Dominic puts up with me. One day I might lose him too, again. Please universe don't make me lose my only friend I have. Can I wish for him to like me back? I like to read unrealistic things but this is real life and I doubt this would happen considering how lucky I have been lately. Luck is barely my thing.

Life is strange and beautiful at the same time. You can suffer but you can also feel good. You never know what could happen even in seconds. That is why I try now to live, even if it isn't for myself, at least for others. I might get the whole memo of life later, I think I will try to be more gentle with myself and will promise myself to try and not cut myself on purpose anymore. Even if it would be very hard.

Why am I here?