Her Melting Point

Ready to Fly the Coop

Jackie leaned her back against the wall of the club and looked up at the dark starless sky above them. Her phone beeped in her pocket. It was probably Bernie worrying about her.

"Where is Alexander?" she asked, without lowering her face.

Joy exhaled another puff. "Who knows. And I wouldn't tell you even if I knew. Do your own work, darling."

Jackie shook her head.

"Where is this condescending tone coming from, Jarvis?" she asked and finally met the queen's eyes. "Not so long ago I was your teacher."

"I'm a grown-up, Jocelyn. This makes us equal by default." Joy shook her crossed index and middle fingers, with the cigarette pressed between them, in a classic reproachful gesture. "Now, you get judged on your actions. Also, please don't tell Xezzo I kissed you without asking. He'll break my face. And I love my face."

Jackie's glare didn't hamper Joy's arrogant mien.

"Maybe you shouldn't have kissed me without asking."

"You properly put my back up, darling."

Joy deftly threw the cigarette butt in a rubbish bin. A small group of people stumbled out of the club, chatting loudly; and they cheered and shouted their goodbyes to Joy. The queen waved at them and faced Jackie again.

"I don't like what you're doing to my mate, Jocelyn. I watched him struggle for two years in the Comprehensive, getting all gutted because of you. I just got him back, and it's fucked up what you've put him through. If you want a fucktoy, find someone else."

Jackie's heart jumped in her throat.

"How– how much do you know?" she rasped out. "And does anyone else– Does anyone know about us?"

"Like I said, do your own work," Joy retorted. "I'm going back inside. Do you want me to send your watchdog your way? Oh and by the way, Bernie Amorsolo is well-known for falling in love with straight women, especially if they don't present loudly femme. Your whole 'ugly duckling routine' must be really working on her fanny. So, unless you want to wreck two people in this county, maybe you should give Bernie space and time to get over you."

The door banged behind Joy, and Jackie once again lifted her eyes to the darkness above. Her hands trembling, she wrapped her arms around her.

A few minutes later she texted Bernie that she was taking a cab home. In the car she kept twirling her phone in her hand. It took a lot of effort to stop herself from dialling Alexander's number - but Joy had been right, Jackie had been irresponsible. Just because she was feeling defensive and couldn't stand being criticised and disliked, she simply couldn't continue behaving like that.

She took a shower, slid under the duvet, and closed her eyes.

There was one question that kept bouncing in her throbbing head: if she could see a grown-up man in Jarvis Montjoy, underneath the drag make-up and garish mannerisms and childish tantrums - did it mean that she'd been purposefully ignoring the mature strong person that Alexander Fergusson had become?

***

It took her three days to gather her courage.

"Hello," Alexander answered on the other end of the line.

"Hi," Jackie exhaled; and suddenly no air was getting into her lungs.

Her head spun. He, of course, remained silent.

"How are you?" she finally spoke. "Are you still... travelling?"

There was a long pause. "Yeah, still."

He wasn't helping her in any way, but it was about time Jackie started pulling her weight in this relationship. She stopped pacing her sitting room, and rocked back and forth on her heels.

"I'm sorry that I didn't call you before you left," she said firmly. "I chickened out. And I didn't come to see you because I knew we'd either hook up or you'd dump me; and I was bricking it. So, yeah... Bottom line is, I'm sorry."

Once again, he said nothing.

"Alexander?"

"Yeah, I'm here." He sighed that familiar long, deep sigh of his. Jackie missed his sighs. She missed everything about him. "I get it," he said. "But– I'm still angry."

Jackie sat down on her sofa, pulled her knees up, and pressed her forehead in them.

"I asked you. It sets me off if I don't know what's going on," he added, his voice low.

"I'm so sorry, Alexander." She mindlessly picked and pulled at snags on a sofa cushion. It seemed to have fallen a victim of Tartufo's 'biscuit making.' "Please let me explain. When you come back. Can we meet up, please? You are– You are coming back, right?"

"Technically, I don't need to," he answered flatly. "I can trade from anywhere, and the shop is doing well without me. I could just stay–"

"Please, come back." She didn't even care that she interrupted him. She'd apologise for it later. "Alexander, I miss you. I was an idiot, and I arsed it all up for us. But it sucks– without you– and–" She jerked the collar of her dress. She hadn't changed since she'd come home. Somehow calling him had become an emergency. "Please, come back and let me apologise properly, to your face. And if you're still angry with me then, that's alright. I can apologise again. And for how I behaved before!" she added hurriedly. "For hiding our relationship, and not appreciating it, and–"

"Jackie."

"Please, come back and forgive me and–"

"Jackie."

"Oh god, please, say I had you at 'hello,'" she exhaled, and a hysterical laugh burst out of her.

Five soundless seconds later she was in full panic mode.

"Alexander?"

"I don't know what it means. 'Had you at hello.'"

"Nothing, nothing!" Jackie was once again on her feet and she made an anxious circle around the room. "It's just a daft quote from a film. Just ignore it. Sorry. I don't know why I said that. I'm just so nervous, and I keep imagining that you'll tell me to sod off, and–"

"Jackie."

"Yes? I'm not letting you talk, am I?"

"You aren't. What a menace."

A quiet warm chuckle purled in his throat, and her knees gave in. She sagged on the sofa in relief.

"Where are you?" she asked greedily.

"California. I'm climbing."

"Climbing? Climbing what?"

"El Capitan."

"Oh, a mountain? Right, you mentioned rock climbing before." She properly didn't give a toss what they were talking about, as long as she could hear his voice. "How is it going?" She bit her tongue. "Sorry. I'm putting the cart before the horse again. I mean, I should let you go, right? What time is it there? You probably need your breakfast." She told herself to shut up and to respect the process. "Please, think about what I said, and give me a call when– if you feel like it."

"I will."

Jackie nodded, although obviously he couldn't see her. She needed to say goodbye and hang up - and wash off the mascara streaks that her tears were currently drawing on her face.

"Jackie," he said softly. "I heard you. What you said about us. And missing me. I'll look into tickets, and I'll let you know."

"Yeah?" She awkwardly wiped her cheeks with her left hand, probably making even more of a mess. "Alright. And thank you. Talk to you later?" She tried to temper the excited hopefulness in her voice, but failed.

"Talk to you later."

He wasn't hanging up, and Jackie fidgeted with a corner of a cushion. She could mention Tartufo and that would definitely keep Alexander on the line - but that would be underhanded.

She muttered, "Bye," and hung up.