Goodbye, Hello

Part II

May 1995

Gangnam, Seoul

Jung Hwan

I felt a nudge on my side and turned my head, surprised to find one of my friends from the Air Force Academy darting his head at me. He mouthed something and I shook my head, unable to understand.

"Pay attention!" His words came out through gritted teeth, his smile resembling a grimace.

I nodded sheepishly, looked around. There were many people here today, groups of people and couples everywhere. The restaurant looked no different than it did when it first opened, many years ago.

The first McDonald's in Seoul. In Gangnam of all places. I tried so hard to not come here that day, fully aware of the crowd and the traffic. And yet one call and I came running.

I fixed my gaze on the table, an unwitting smile on my face. Deok Sun had looked so surprised, her eyes bulging out of her face when she realized I was there.

I thought she was alone. Had I known that her two friends were going to be there, I might have said no.

Oh... who was I kidding? I would have shown up anyway just because she asked me to come. It had been worth it to see her look happy that I came through for her, whatever the reason might have been that she called me.

I had liked her so much. I bit my lower lip, focused on the grain of the wood in front of me, trying to distract myself from the predictable tightening in my chest.

It was safe to say that I missed her. More than she will ever know. More than I was even willing to admit.

I heard someone clear their throat and I looked up to see three pairs of eyes looking at me. My friend was scowling, and then apologetically looking across the table, where his girlfriend and his girlfriend's friend sat.

I forced myself to smile at her, surprised when she smiled back shyly. Her hair was smoothed back with a headband, her light brown eyes looking directly at me. She self-consciously smoothed a non-existent stray hair behind an ear and licked her lips.

Her skin was lighter than Deok Sun's. Her hair longer.

I pushed the thought away, tried to convince myself that it had been just a passing thing, though I of all people knew that was a lie. I thought of her constantly, worried about what time she was going home, if she was eating well, sleeping well. It was only natural, I reasoned. Until recently, Deok Sun had been a constant part of my life; of course it made sense that I would compare every woman to her.

I tried to tell myself this as I played with my french fries, picking one up and dipping it into the ketchup before putting it in my mouth.

I realized that in the last few months I really have taken this whole talking to myself very seriously.

"So," Ji Min, my friend's girlfriend said to me, "Yo Han tells me that you were very smart in high school. Yoo Mi here," she continued, "graduated top of her class."

Yoo Mi blushed, averted her gaze. She wrapped and unwrapped her cheeseburger, stealing glances my way.

"Is that right?" I asked, and she, as if amazed that I was speaking to her, nodded enthusiastically. I instantly felt bad once I realized that those were the first words I said to her since I arrived.

My mother would hit me upside the head for treating a woman so disrepectfully. I really should make more of an effort.

When Yo Han asked me if I wanted to go on a double date, I didn't exactly refuse. Bored out of my mind in Sacheon and unwilling to go home to Ssangmundong, I had agreed, not realizing that it would involve a trip to Seoul anyway.