As I lay on this bed
So many thoughts running in my head
Humoured at how they label this death as suicide
When in truth , my blood is on their hands ,so crap it and call this like it is ,homicide
But I am so grateful for I have found the peace I longed for
The peace for which I'd spent every night drenching my pillow
Dreading ,so hesitant to see every tomorrow for I knew it meant one more sorrow
The peace i would kneel every single day for and have my prayers unheard
I finally got that peace in the end
I remember when suicide started calling my name
Something that transpired after it heard my solemn silent cries
That's when I felt the endurance deteriorating, not feeling the same
To depression I became more than just a victim I was a friend
I became fond of the pain , so much it was the only thing that fend for my sanity
My ears were echoed by this sweet , consoling, soft voices that gave me a home
When I would cry , I yearned for the day I would finally die
The more I felt the anguish , fueled my wish for my life to perish
On my face always sparkled a smile just at the sound of death
I remember when I was still a kid
How I would always tremble at the thought of being dead
Until I grew and the sound of death brought to my ears triumphs
I could feel it liberating me from all the aching thorns
From all the despondence I have always endured in deafening silence
I yearned for this bed I'm lying on right now ,they see a cold body
Wrenched by my soul that has departed from this body
But they can never comprehend just how much warmth this bed exudes on me
That lying on this deathbed has served me with the best solace there could ever be
I feel for mama s face as she somberly stares at my lifeless body
If only she knew I actually feel more for her because of her ignorance
How they were all misted to how much lifeless I already was even alive
That my demise wasn't just death but just my final exit from life
I lived a life with no soul,and they right under their noses had lived with a breathing corpse
Of course they didn't know how could they when they were too busy to see
How could they see ,when I too had left my own self to the depression
The apprehension from my demons that replaced my soul
I died a long time before what they can see now
I have touched the grave before , this bed I have occupied before
Everytime I attempted suicide and today I'm proud I bravely succumbed to the grave
For the comfort on this deathbed is an answered prayer
©️Lola Lee McMee
