Matilda | Harry Styles

FORTY

"That's okay," I said, softly, stroking my hand over the side of his face. "It's fine... it doesn't matter. We can stay holed up in here today, if we have to. I don't mind," I said, honestly, and I meant it - it didn't matter, really, as long as I was with him.

"There's more places I wanted to show you..." he responded, the soft mumble falling from his lips almost making him sound like a pouty child, in the most adorable way.

He went to say something else, but he stopped, as a loud horn sounded outside - louder than the increasingly familiar beeps of the moped horns - this sounded like a proper car horn, surrounded by some faint chatter. His eyebrows furrowed, his eyes darting back and forth as if he'd already decided that he knew exactly what it was.

He gently drew his body away from mine, standing up from the bed and moving over to the balcony door, where he'd left it ajar. I sat up as he walked away, watching him hover at the door, before he moved to the large window beside it, gently wrapping his fingers around the curtain to draw it back, slightly.

I stood up to follow him, leaning to peer through the gap in the curtain he'd created, to lay my eyes on the street beneath us. Four or five men were there, arranging themselves in a line across the street, just in front of the canal that had brought so much tranquillity in the previous days. Several locals were starting to stop in their tracks, upon encountering the the men, who each held a camera - and then their gazes would be directed towards the very building that we were in. There was a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as Harry drew the curtain shut, having the very same realisation that I had; it was clear why they were there.

Harry moved to draw the balcony doors shut with a slight huff, raking an exasperated hand through his hair. He closed his eyes for a second, blowing out a breath as if trying to compose himself away from his frustration. My eyes flickered back to the window. How was this happening? It had seemed like the coast was somewhat clear - this didn't make sense.

"You said you wouldn't mind being holed up in here," he said, then, gently tilting his head at me. He'd fought for his composure, and a soft, rather sad attempt at a smile was pulling on his lips. Neither of us had to say a word about the crowd outside - the soft furrow of his eyebrows told me enough, as did everything he'd said up until now. He couldn't make sense of this, just as I couldn't - I didn't want to push. He wanted to make the most of where we were, and I did, too. We could do that. We needed to do that.

I reached for him, and his arms wound around my waist in an instant, pulling my body to his.

"That was when I had a choice," I made an attempt at teasing him, lightly, watching his eyes draw over my face as a much more real smile broke out on his expression. His smile wasn't without faint disappointment, but it felt like he held the same outlook that I did; that just being together, alone, was enough.

He pecked at my cheek, once, pinching his fingers lightly at my hip as he looked at me, murmuring a gentle, "You look pretty."

My face heated at the thoughtful look in his eyes as I reached up to kiss him, once, and then again. Harry was the only person I'd ever known to shower me with as many compliments as he did - but especially, to do so when I'd barely been awake for five minutes, and I most certainly looked far from good.

Not to mention how the nicer he was; the more guilty I felt.

I kissed his jaw, once, feeling his fingers stroke briefly at my hair before I eventually pulled away from him to move towards the bathroom and get into the shower. He didn't make an effort to follow me, and I wasn't sure I minded. Discomfort was setting in, and I needed a minute - or ten.

I stepped under the water, my eyes closing as I let it run over my skin. I needed to snap out of this. Why couldn't I just be here? Why couldn't I just be present? Why did it feel like one thing after another - constant, endless problems, whenever I found myself getting close to being happy?