I remember the sun that year, it almost killed me.
It felt like I needed you, like I needed water.
Maybe it was the beaming sun.
Maybe it was the heat and haze.
I thought I needed you.
Obviously that feeling wasn't mutual.
It was the uncertainty in your eyes.
I couldn't see what you were thinking.
I never knew if you were telling the truth.
Things like this held me against my will.
I couldn't trust my instincts because I wanted to trust you.
What was it about me you couldn't love?
What did you see that you'd never hold?
What was wrong?
How could you be so perfect ?
Standing in for the sun I hadn't seen in a week.
Everything i had went though was worth it.
Even now I still feel it in my chest.
Even now I can't get you out of my head.
Every guy.
I want them to be.
Just like you.
And somehow
Just like you.
They don't last another day
After they get their way with me.
The sun was beaming that year, the heat was enough to break skin. I almost gave in and let it take me but it felt like you came out of nowhere and wanted to save me.
It felt like you wanted to hold me.
I remember hiding from the sun in my dirty room.
Sulking in the darkness. But we met and suddenly I didn't need anything else.
You were the sun.
I've always wanted to know what it was like to be seen as a person of value.
No inherent value, no purpose, but still wanted and still valued just because.
I remember how much I wanted that year.
How much I felt.
I remember the person he was and I haven't been able to get that back.
I remember running on fumes, you were always on my mind.
I remember feeling beautiful for that short time.
It didn't take long for me to crash.
I couldn't satisfy you I guess.
I wasn't even given a chance.
Not too long after you told me about somebody else.
Not too long after you told me you weren't ready for anything.
Not too long after you broke my heart. You picked it up just to finish it off.
I saw what you wrote.
You said you never loved me.
I guess I was just easy.
You picked me up when I was weak
You really were the sun.
Scorching and unloving.
Unforgiving.
Just like the sun.
You almost killed me.
