Lost In Gaskell

Chapter 6: Where Do We Go From Here?

‘How long have you been standing there Mr. Thornton? You must know it is in improper for you to sneak up on a lady like that’ She said a hint of a smile on her lips. ‘You gave me quite a scare’

Mr. Thornton in truth has been standing there for nearly half an hour. He was watching her so engrossed in the book she had in front of her, he could not help but smile. He saw her face as she had turned to him and his heart lurched. It looked so painful but she did not seem to be showing any of the pain. He was sure any other woman would have in her position. When she jumped when she saw him he could not but chuckle to himself.

‘I have not been here long, I didn’t wish to disturb you, you looked very interested in that book’ he smiled.

‘I was’ she replied, she looked at him. She saw something in his eyes was it pity, she had never seen him look at her like that. It almost tore her in two. The problem was it was not Mr. Thornton she saw standing before her. It was a time when a person had looked at her like that before; it was her Mother when she was six years old. Lily had been ill and all she wanted was to be held by her mother for her to tell her little girl that she was okay and that she loved her. Her mother instead, had told her to grow up and not think she was duty bound to keep her with her. That was the night that her Nan had stepped in and looked after her through the night. Why was Mr. Thornton looking at her the same way now? Was it because he felt duty bound to her because of the position she had gotten him into?  She got up and turned around trying to hide her face she knew that if she looked in his eyes she would cry her eyes out but she could not cry in front of him, ‘You should be going Mr. Thornton, I wouldn’t want to subject you to feeling that you have to come and see me and how I am doing, You are not duty bound to do so’

Mr. Thornton looked confused, ‘I do not think it is my duty to be here, I came because I thought that we were friends’

‘Mr. Thornton, I…’ but she could not continue hot tears flowed down her face. For someone who was always so in control of her emotions in her own time. She was crying a lot here and for the life of her she could not think why.

‘Lily’ he spoke softly, ‘I have not come here because I am duty bound to do so, and surely you must know that by now’

Lily could not speak although she knew he was right, he would have been here even if he was a lowly servant. It was because it was him, the kindest man she had ever met. She looked at him with her eyes glistening with tears, she nodded.

He took her hands and brought one to his lips, ‘I would be here no matter what. And whatever you think of me, whatever you thought you saw just now, I must say you are mistaken’ he replied, ‘but I can see that you are tired, you should rest. I will call back another time’

‘John’ she whispered as she watched him go out of the room, ‘I am sorry’ she said.

He turned at looked at her, ‘What for?’

‘It seems I am always crying in front of you at the moment, and all I want to do is to stop crying’ she said honestly. ‘I don’t want to be the girl who is crying all the time, I am not usually like this and I don’t know why all of a sudden I have started’

He moved towards her, and sat her down on the seat. ‘You have been through a lot since you have been here; maybe your head is dealing with things that you thought were buried’

Lily smiled to him, he seemed to understand her better than anyone, how could that be? She nodded, ‘I am sorry that I snapped at you, I was rude, it wasn’t you I was angry with’

‘I know it wasn’t’ he nodded, ‘You Miss Spacey are one of the toughest women I have ever met Bar my mother, but every woman breaks from time to time, I am not surprised. Although many don’t do it so publically’