The Wedding

The Wedding Day

The day of the wedding is here! Everyone from Middle-earth has gathered in Rivendell to celebrate this special occasion. Behind the scenes, the maid of honour Arya and the bridesmaids Tarwa, Sierra and Julia are helping the bride get ready. Meanwhile, the bride, Vanadessë, is ... well, freaking out.

Dess: WHAT IN THE NAME OF KENTUCKY FRIED JEFF IS HAPPENING?!

Jeff: You're getting married, Dess.

Dess: HQBDLUGLIFLGJBPHUGBPUIHFUIGHIBRAUVY!

Jeff: You said it, sister...

Tarwa: You'll be absolutely fine, Dess! *straightens out her dress*

Sierra: Oh my gosh, Dess, you're getting married! You're so lucky! It's so exciting!

Dess: *starts to have a panic attack*

Thorin: *walks in* How's my lovely wife-to-be doing?

Dess: THORIIIIIIIIIN! *hugs him* Wait, you're not allowed to see me in my dress! *slaps him*

Thorin: Sorry, I just had to get away from the groomsmen. Pippin was suggesting I wear a pink sparkly bow-tie with love hearts on it.

Tarwa: Typical.

Dess: That's what you get when you ask the Hobbits to be your groomsmen. Now get out! *pushes him out playfully*

Thorin: See you soon. *blows her a kiss and walks out*

Bridesmaids: Aww!

Jeff: Ugh...

Everyone: *kicks Jeff out*

As wedding bells ring throughout Rivendell, Thorin, his best man Balin and his groomsmen Sam, Merry and Pippin walk down the aisle. Thorin eagerly awaits his bride as Largo from Winter of Vivaldi's Four Seasons starts playing. Meanwhile, back stage...

Arya: Go on, Dess! You can do it!

Elanor: You look lovely, Vanadessë.

Dess: Aww, thanks Elanor! *ruffles her hair*

Elanor: *walks down the aisle, throwing flower petals everywhere*

Tarwa: You've got this, Dess. *winks at her*

Julia: You're awesome, girl!

Bridesmaids: *start to walk down the aisle*

Arya: Ready?

Dess: I'm ready.

Arya: Off we go! *starts to lead her down the aisle*

Everyone: Wow, she looks stunning!

Dess: *smiles at Thorin and stands next to him*

Thorin: You look gorgeous.

Dess: *giggles*

Legolas: We gather here today to unite this young couple in holy macaroni.

Thorin: Macaroni?

Legolas: And cheese.

Everyone: Mmm, yum!

Thorin: Okay...?

Legolas: Even though Dess would've been cuter with me--

Dess: Legolas!

Legolas: --she's still with the man she loves.

Bridesmaids: *facepalm*

Legolas: Please recite your vows.

Thorin: Dess? When I first laid my eyes on you, I knew you were the one. You are insanely amazing. Sure, you do have some strange friends and weird mes, but that's what makes you stand out from the crowd. I know your dragons think I'm weird because I tried to feed them cat food one time, but I'm sure they'll get over it, right?

Dragons: *huff*

Thorin: Dess, you are my one and only. I promise to look after you and love you for all eternity.

Everyone: Aww!

Dess: Thorin, you are amazy. I love you more than all the glittery coconuts in the world. You are the orange of my eye.

Frodo: Don't you mean--

Dess: You are the best dwarf I've ever met. I love you more than a lightly roasted Smaug on a cold evening!

Smaug: Um, I'm out of here! *flies away*

Dess: I promise to love you for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and-/

Merry: We get the point.

Dess: --ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and pineapples.

Thorin: Thanks, Dess. *smiles at her*

Legolas: Frodo, please bring out the rings, ring-bearer. *chuckles*

Frodo: Why am I always the ring-bearer? *passes them the rings*

Thorin: *puts the ring on Dess's finger*

Gollum: Is that the PRECIOUS?!

Security Guard: *throws him out of the building*

Legolas: Now, if you have any objections, speak now or forever hold your peace. *looks around as nobody objects* Alright. *puts up his hand* I volunteer as tribu--

Dess: You can't object. Hush, hush. *slaps his hand*

Legolas: Then, by the power vested in me (even though I have no power), I now pronounce you dwarf and wife!

Thorin: *kisses her*

Everyone: OH MY GOSH, YEEEEEEEESSSSSSS! THE SHIP HAS SAILED! THE SHIP HAS SAILED! *faint*

Dess: *blushes* I love you, Thorin.

Pippin: And I love pie!

Dess: I'M A MARRIED WOMAN! LOOK OUT WORLD, HERE I COME! *throws her bouquet*

Merry: *catches it*

Bridesmaids: Oooh! I guess Merry's going to be the next one to get married.

Merry: Ugh...

A cute hobbit nearby: *smiles at him*

Merry: *hides under a table*

Arya: You're ridiculous.

Gollum: THE PRECIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Chapter written by TarwaRedwood and Dess_Basilisk.