More than expected...

Chapter 6

For the first hour I lay in that bed and stared at the ceiling. I searched the paint for something that wasn't there and I let my mind rest. I was close to a breakdown, could feel it balancing on the edge of my mind like a person on a cliff. Jay's contact was open on my phone and my finger had been hovering over the call button for ten minutes now. Sighing, I switched the screen off. I turned in the bed, tucking my hands under my head and curling up. The last thing I wanted was to disturb him at work; especially when he was working on my mother's case. My situation was frustrating. I had no energy or motivation to get up and do something, but with every second I lay there the guilt at doing so grew larger and larger. I groaned, shifting again. I lay on my back and swiped at my face as a sudden wave of sadness dropped a few tears. 

Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz...

I grabbed at my phone blindly and brought it to my ear without looking. I assumed it was Jay. 

"Hello?" I said, closing my eyes. 

"M? Where the hell are you?!" The voice on the other end whispered harshly. 

I sat up abruptly, "Jess?"  

"Yes, Jess! Who the hell else?!" She said, "Seriously, are you okay? Cause like, you totally ghosted me." Jessica Lambert was my best friend, I think. Our relationship got rather complicated and confusing sometimes. But even so, she'd been a constant in my life for six years now. I hadn't told her about my mother, or my brother, and the thought of doing that over the phone felt wrong. 

"Uhm, yeah." I started, "About that, do you think we could meet up somewhere, like now?" There was silence on the other end. 

"Mara we have school right now." She said, her tone was soft and I wondered if I was still crying. 

"Please Jess."  I said. I must have sounded just desperate enough because she agreed to meet at our spot in the library. I did a quick google search and found that I wasn't too far and could walk there instead of taking a cab like I usually did. Not bothering to change I pocketed my phone and somehow managed to lock Jay's door after me. The walk there was blurry, that's all I can say, a lot of people went past, I didn't acknowledge them and they didn't acknowledge me. 

Jessica got there first. I rounded the isle that led to a secluded corner of the library, and saw her sitting at the small table. The single light above and the books around her were a comforting and familiar sight. I stood there watching her for a second before she anxiously glanced up and saw me. She waved me over. 

"Are you okay? I mean you know how my parents feel about me skipping, so you wouldn't have asked unless-" She rambled on, I listened to her talk. This was how it usually went, Jess dominated the first half of our conversation by ranting about whatever was going on, and I let her, joining in when I knew it was out of her system. 

"-,anyway, what happened M?" She asked, I took a breath. 

"My mum died." I whispered, and for once the tears didn't follow. I smiled a sad smile while she tried to understand. 

"Oh, OH! God, M. I'm so sorry," She placed her hand over mine where it lay on top of the table, "Do you want to talk about it? Or..." 

"I don't." I said quickly, "I mean, not right now, at least." She nodded and took my hand fully into her own. She rubbed comforting circles with her thumb as we stared at each other. 

"Do you, uh- Do you need somewhere to stay? Cause we have that spare room that nobody uses and my parents would be more than happy for you to crash there?" She offered, I shook my head. 

"Thanks, but I'm good. I'm staying with Jay right now." 

Her brow furrowed, "Wait, Jay, as in your brother Jay?" I elaborated briefly and then the topic changed. We started talking about school and our other friends. I knew somewhere in the back of my mind she was only trying to distract me, but I found I actually enjoyed talking about something other than what had happened. We must have talked for a few hours because when I looked at my phone I had four missed calls from Jay and a couple worried texts from him as well. 

"Ah, shit!" I said, looking up at Jess with panicked eyes, "I have to go." We hugged goodbye and I sent a quick text to Jay as I started to walk. My mind was in overdrive and I don't think I've ever walked so fast in my entire life. I felt so bad for not leaving a note or even sending a text. As I approached his apartment door my pace slowed, I was anxious, I really didn't want him to be angry but I knew he would be. Dammit, why do always do this? I can't count the amount of times my mother had gotten furious over me coming home late or going out without leaving a note or asking. Sometimes I fucked up so bad she wouldn't even say anything to me, and I 'd just have to go to bed without eating and think about the disappointed look she'd worn. I knew it was because she loved me and she worried, but it still hurt all the same. I don't think I could handle that today, which is probably why I almost threw up when I opened the door and saw Jay standing there with his arms crossed and a stern expression on his face. I really was fucked. 

Hey Readers, so sorry about the slow updates. I have a lot of school work right now and I'm also working on multiple stories. I'll try be more frequent but no promises. Sorry again, and thanks for reading!:)