Crescents

Penumbra

In this world, I'd love to be with you, until the final breath caresses my lungs, until the last vestige of sight fills up my vision, until the ultimate utterance graces my tongue, and until your calming voice becomes the final symphony caught by my ears. For your presence makes the flowers grow beautifully in my barren garden. But my wish can only be a wistful wish, for the heaven misses its angel with an ache surpassing even the boundless depths of my own love for you. So, darling, let's fall in love again in the next life, where neither death nor separation will await us.

--

?? November ????

The darkness still covered the entire horizon that morning when a call came into my phone. It was made from more than 600 kilometers away from where I was. I expected something good to be said during that call, but all I received was devastating news. The call lasted for about 30 seconds, but it managed to send me into the deepest abyss of despair longer than anything had ever done.

"She's no longer with us."

Those words still echoed in my head ever since I heard it that morning. They left me with no words to respond, as if my entire ability of speech dispersed into thin air. My legs felt numb and I fell down with a blank stare. It was so shocking that even my tears couldn't come out immediately. The call ended shortly after that, perhaps the caller decided that I needed time to process things out.

I slowly put my phone down on the floor. For a few minutes, all I had in mind was her. The reckless and stubborn girl who was known for her beauty and her cleverness. The clingy girl who wanted nothing but her wishes to be fulfilled. The petite girl whom I love with all my life. My childhood friend who turned into the so-called love of my life.

"Sa, you are not leaving me, right? You are still in this world, right? You are still alive, right?"

Amidst the deafening sound of heavy rain, my tears finally, despite slowly, began to fall. One, two, three, all the way until it dropped endlessly. At that exact moment, my whole world collapsed right in front of me. The beautiful world that I knew suddenly lost all its colors.

And so, November became the mourning month for me.

...

Forty-five days later

My phone rang in the middle of the day. I just finished doing some chores in the house and just prepared myself to read some books. I often refused to pick up a call but the moment I saw the name of the caller in the screen, I instantly picked it up.

"Hello, mama?" I tried to open up the conversation.

"Hello, sweetie, how are you?" A familiar voice from the other side of the call asked me.

"I'm fine, ma, thank you. How about you and papa?" A smile formed on my face as she greeted me.

It has been almost two months since the last time I had a conversation with mama. The last time was when Salsa was admitted to hospital, around a week prior to her death. Since then, my communication was solely with papa, even when Salsa's condition was worsening. My mom still kept in touch with her and she said that perhaps mama didn't want me to worry too much because if I received the news or updates about Salsa's condition through her, she would explain it in a panic-triggering way. So, I believed it, until now.

"We're doing well. Thank you, sweetie. Are you busy at the moment?" She asked.

"Not at all, ma. Is there anything I can help you with?" I answered. I didn't know what to expect from here so every response would be equally surprising.

"Are you home already or are you still in Jakarta?"

"I'm currently home, ma. But I'll return to Jakarta in the middle of January. What happens?"