electric touch - lottienat

iv

everyone comes with scars

but you can love them away

- fifth harmony

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I never asked for your fucking help Lottie Matthews.

Natalie stormed out of the janitors closet and heads to the bleachers, knowing Kevyn will already be there waiting for her. In a way she feels bad, she knows the kid has a crush on her. Why else would he give her unlimited drugs and alcohol for free? But she doesn't care right now. Right now, she just needs to not feel.

The two sit in silence leaning against a rusted train car that sits under the bleachers holding all of the football teams' equipment, sharing a joint. With each puff Natalie starts to feel a little better, her mind more clear. She couldn't figure out why Lottie cared so much about her. She never did anything for the taller girl. Yeah they used to be friends when they were younger, but she used to be friends with all of them when she was younger and none of the other girls care for her now, except Van.

Sure, they work well on the field together, but that's it. So why the hell does she care so much about her grades? The team doesn't actually need her, they win games when she isn't there they'll be able to do just fine if she gets kicked off.

"You alright Nat, you seem out of it today?" Kevyn asks as he hands Natalie the joint.

"Yeah, didn't sleep well last night," she replies. Lie. Obviously she lies.

"Okay, Lottie looked pissed when she saw you this morning, what was that about?"

She doesn't answer, just takes another hit of the joint. Letting the inhale burn her lungs.

Kevyn takes that as a sign to drop the conversation and goes back to staring into oblivion as they were.

They stay like that for the rest of the morning, Kevyn asking if she wants to go grab lunch but Natalie declines. He leaves and she stays back.

2:30. You better be there.

Who does she think she is? And why does she think Natalie is gonna listen to her?

She sits under the bleachers for hours. With no desire to attend class. Thinking about everything and nothing all at once.

Soon enough the high wears off and she starts to feel again. Maybe she should go to her tutoring session with Lottie. Soccer is the only good thing in her life, and she doesn't want to lose that.

So despite not wanting to give the taller girl the satisfaction when 2:15 hits she stands up and makes her way across the schools's campus to the library.

Fucking Lotting Matthews. If she's gonna have to go to these tutoring sessions she's gonna make Lottie hate them. Maybe then she'll eventually give up on her like the rest of the soccer team.

2:25

She walks into the building and makes her way towards the library. Entering the room and is immediately hit with the smell of old books. She doesn't expect to see Lottie sitting at a table in the back of the room already, pulling a textbook out of her backpack.

She watched the girl for a moment. Noticing the way her tongue sticks out slightly as she's flipping the pages looking for a certain topic. Noticing the way her bangs cover her forehead perfectly. Noticing the way her curls fall flawless into her shoulders. Noticing the light purple long sleeve crop top that's fitted perfect to the girls torso. Noticing the green velvet pants that fit her legs in the best wa-

She's quickly interrupted when Lottie looks up from the book and locks eyes with Natalie.

"Take a picture it'll last longer " Lottie says as she waves for Natalie to come over. She doesn't reply, just trudges over to the table and takes her beat up backpack off and plops it on the ground.

"I really don't want to do this," Natalie starts but is quickly cut off. "Yeah well I'd rather you not get kicked off the team, so you're gonna do it anyway," Lottie firmly states.

"Whatever." Natalie huffs. Lottie starts to explain to her the start of the 20th century, ignoring her bad attitude.

She goes through World War I, the Roaring 20s, the Great Depression and World War II. And Natalie actually tries to pay attention. Lottie explains things to her in a way that actually makes sense, unlike all her teachers. She doesn't talk to her like she's an idiot, she talks to her with such delicacy in her voice. And when she smiles at Natalie it makes her heart flutter. And when Natalie asks her a question Lottie doesn't make her feel stupid for asking it. 

Lottie treats her like a person, which is something nobody really does for her anymore. 

"Lot, can we take a break. This is so much information and I feel like my head is gonna explode," Natalie pleads as she rubs her forehead. 

"Yeah sure, you're doing a great job Nat, I'm proud of you," Lottie says as she smiles at her. 

That damn smile. Natalie would do anything to see that smile. 

"Can I ask you something actually?" There's a nervousness in Lottie's voice after she says that, and Natalie notices it. Her normally confident demeanor is missing. 

"Well you technically just did Lot," Natalie replies sarcastically. 

"Ugh, Natalie you know what I mean. Can you just not be an ass for like two seconds please." 

"Okay, okay go ahead, ask your question Matthews," Natalie jokes as she puts her feet up on the table. 

"Why'd you stop talking to us all? Outside of soccer, I mean. We were all such good friends when we were kids and then we grew up and you just like, I don't know, phased out of everyone's life. We miss you. I miss you Nat." Lottie sighs as she runs a hand through her hair, her eyes slightly tearing up. 

Natalie doesn't reply for a second, her thoughts are racing around her head. I miss you. Does she really? How could anyone miss her? All she did was bring pain everywhere she went? Her father's tendencies rubbing off on her at young age. Where she would get into fights with people - who rightfully deserved it for picking on people they shouldn't. Or when fists weren't enough using words that she knew would hurt to inflict pain. All she knows is how to bring pain. So she removed herself from the lives of people she cared about most. That way she would never be able to hurt them. That way, he  would never be able to hurt them. Why would Lottie miss that? 

Before she can even realize tears are welling up in her eyes and a lump is forming in her throat. All of a sudden the room starts to feel too small and she can't be there anymore. 

"I uh- I gotta go. This was great, thank you for the help. I'll see you next time." Natalie says in a hurry as she grabs her things and stands up. 

"Wait Nat, I'm sorry you don't have to go I shouldn't have-" Lottie begins. But it's too late, Natalie has already run towards the door, leaving Lottie behind confused as to what just happened. 

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