Empty Spaces

Chapter 44

"Nothing that concerns you," Draco replied coldly.

"Ah, yes, that is true," Ironbark nodded politely, "Forgive me, Master Malfoy, I was merely making conversation. There are many for whom your surname still receives the respect it deserves. It is... a pleasure... to see the youngest Malfoy returning to his roots once more. I am, and continue to be, simply a servant to you and your great family tree. Have a wonderful evening, Master Malfoy." Ironbark signed off on his paper and bowed Draco from the room.

Something wasn't sitting right. Draco briefly toyed with the idea of writing to Harry about it, but he had no clue what he would say in a letter– Dear Harry, the bloke at the Ministry office was weirding me out, what are your thoughts on this? It sounded ridiculous in his own brain, and Draco realized he would never put anything like that in writing anyway, should it come back to haunt him later. So he put on his Malfoy mask and returned to his mother, listening to her views and opinions of the world-- the thoughts of a society lady who lived her entire life in a small bubble of isolation. And while he never really agreed with her, he didn't openly disagree with her either. She was his mother.

Much to Draco's annoyance, Ironbark was back at the Ministry office the next day, despite the fact that Draco filed his report just before closing in hopes of missing him.

"Back again, Master Malfoy," Ironback bowed courteously as Draco strode up to the desk.

"One could say the same for you," Draco replied coldly. "Draco Malfoy, filing a mandatory probationary report. I've been at Malfoy Manor since yesterday with no movements otherwise."

"Indeed," Ironbark nodded, looking sympathetic. "This must be a trying time for you, I'm sure."

"Extremely," Draco scrutinized the man in front of him, looking for any sign or giveaway... What do you know, and why?

"You are young," Ironback smiled reassuringly, "We all have moments in our youth where we are... led astray. The sooner we come back to our senses, the sooner life can resume again. Good to have you back, Master Malfoy."

Draco returned to the Manor with a growing sense of unease as he weighed his choices– Confront Ironbark? Confront Lucius? Just wait? Wait for how long?

"Draco, my love, come indulge a mother and sit with me," Narcissa greeted him in the shining entryway, "You look troubled. Have you eaten enough today, shall I have Horatio bring us some tea? Did you sleep well last night? Shall–"

"It's fine," Draco interrupted, "I'm fine. Everything's fine."

"Oh, my love," Narcissa continued, sweeping Draco into the parlor chairs, "But I see it in your eyes. Such darling eyes, always taking in the world around you... It seems like just yesterday, and now here you are... All grown up... Talk to your mother, my love. What's been bothering you?"

"Really, it's fine–"

"Draco, my love," Narcissa reached out and took her son's hand in hers. "I knew you before you knew you. I grew you inside me, and then you came into the world and I held you in my arms... You wore such a look on your face, scrutinizing and analyzing your new surroundings. And I saw that look grow with you as you discovered the world, learning to toddle and then to walk and then to run through these halls when you thought nobody was looking. Years and circumstances have sent you drifting far from me, my love, and maybe it is only something a mother can understand– who knows? But I still see it in your eyes; it is the look you wear when you are searching for answers that cannot be found. You wore it the day you were born, and it's a look that has never changed, even to this day," Narcissa gave Draco a reminiscent smile, a sad smile, but genuine. It was a feeling Draco understood.

"My love," Narcissa continued, "The life I ended up living was not the life I had been promised all those years ago. But it brought me one true happiness. For I had never known joy before I held you in my arms, and to this day, nothing brings me greater happiness than to simply know you are here on this earth. Given the choice, I would do it all over again as long as it brought me you."

Everything... all over again? Just for... that?

Draco couldn't help the tears that threatened to fall. If his own life had been hard, Narcissa's had been nothing short of tragic and Draco knew he'd only seen the tip of the iceberg.

"Draco, my love, what's bothering you?"

All these words. You say your love is unconditional. But will you continue to love me when you know who I really am?

"There's... a man who works at the Ministry," Draco closed his eyes and swallowed his real questions. "Blair Ironbark. Do you know who he is?"

"Ironbark... Yes, he consulted often with your father," Narcissa replied, looking sad again, and Draco knew she saw through his bluff. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason," Draco looked away, unable to face his mother's concern for much longer.

"Come, my love," Narcissa coaxed, "There's nothing you could tell me that would make me love you less. For there is no love quite like the bond between parent and child. One day, when you have your own son, you will understand."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." Draco could hardly believe he'd said it aloud, unable to control the rising feeling inside– it wasn't quite anger, it wasn't quite disbelief. Did it even have a name?

"You are young, my love, you have your whole life ahead of you to find a wife-"

"That's not really the issue here..." Are we about to have this conversation NOW?? Fine. Let's just have the damn conversation and get it over with. At least then it'll be done.

"Have you found someone then?" Narcissa beamed at her son, "Who is she? Why have you not spoken of her before??"

"Because SHE is a HE," Draco said, now desperate to get the words out and over with. Not wanting to wait for Narcissa's reaction, he simply got up and left, avoiding her eye and striding out of the room with his head held high. The worst Malfoy in the history of the whole fucking bloodline, but I will own it with pride nonetheless.

Well. At least she knows now. Whatever happens next will happen, but now she knows.

It wasn't much. But for some reason... it mattered.