Apart Again

Chapter 1, the end of episode 6

Aziraphale turned to look at Crowley one last time. He was leaning on his car, looking back at Aziraphale.

What have I done. Azi thought as he put on a fake smile and stepped into the elevator with the Metatron. Why did I do this? He wanted to be with me.
I should've asked him.
Why the hel- no, why on earth- why did I say yes? I didn't even think to talk to Crowley first, I just said yes. All he wanted was to be with me, ME, and I abandoned him. I mean, he could've been an angel, why would he not want to be an angel?

"Aziraphale?"

"Yes?" Azi snapped back to reality.

"What's wrong? You can do whatever you please now, you're in control."

Am I?

"Well, it's just, well, Crowley." Azi answered.

"He had the chance and he chose not to become an angel, don't worry about him anymore. It was your decision after all, if you didn't want to be here you could have declined."

It didn't FEEL like my decision. It felt forced. It felt, I don't know, it felt right, like that's what I had to do. I just couldn't say no.

Aziraphale nodded and looked down at his feet. Both him and the Metatron stood in silence.

He loved me. And I loved him. After all these years, I left him. He kissed me. HE KISSED ME! And what did I do? I just left. Maybe he thought I was afraid. I was. I'm sure I looked afraid. But it wasn't so much fear as it was longing. I was scared to be with him, but at the same time scared to be without him. I longed- I still long for him. My only friend, my only love, my everything.

I left him when I could've stayed. And he probably hates me. How would I feel if he just got up and left, down to Hell to rule, without me. I would fall apart. Again, why did I make that decision? Why?

'Beep' the elevator reached the top floor. Aziraphale stepped out into heaven. There was nothing he could do now. He'd made his decision.

But maybe, just maybe, I can somehow fix this. He shook the thought from his mind and walked towards the other angels.