You and I - Chris Sturniolo

"Alec?" pt. 2

I grab one of my old elf bars and hit that

I cough out the smoke letting it fade into the air and repeat

I inhale it into my lungs and breath it out

I smoked a few cigarettes but I've always been more into the sweet taste of vapes or juuls more

I begin to feel slightly dizzy from the buzz and tears run down my face thinking about everything

Why me? Why does everything always find its way to me

Everything bad, atleast

At one point I get to a sobbing feeling that it happens for real

I scoot back slightly from the edge because I feel a bit more dizzy and my vision is blurred from the tears welled in my eyes

I wipe my eyes on my hoodie and smoke some more

It mustve been atleast 2 in the morning because I had fallen asleep, atleast asleep enough to have a recurring dream of what happened that night

I lay on my back with my legs still off the roof

I look up at the stars and observe them

Some blink, my theory since I was young wad that the reason stars flash light that

Is because asteroids are flying past them and blocking our view of them for a split second

I've always been interested by outer space, it brings me peace

It calms me in a way to know that something so beautiful is in a world that us terrible humans are in as well

I see some starts speeding past my eyes and decide as childish as it is, to make a wish

'I wish that nothing happened five nights ago' I say quietly as if someone where listening

Not that the wish could ever possibly come true.

It felt good to think about

I close my eyes and think of things that make me happy,

Me and Chris.

Chris makes me so very happy. I'm so lucky to have a boyfriend like him

He is such a sweet boy and I hope we never end our love

Matt and Nic

My actual brother's

They're so close to me that I see them as family and have seen them that way for years after we met and I always with see them that way

I eventually fell asleep on the roof

When I woke up was sweating like crazy.

The sun is beaming down on me

I grab my stuff and bring it over to the couch that we put up here to lounge in summer

I sit on the warm couch and put my stuff underneath it so it doesn't get soaked when it rains and so I can come up here to be alone

I quietly go back inside and Chris wasn't in bed

Shit.

I look through my room and it was clean?

What the fuck

I check my phone and it's already 11am

I peek downstairs and Chris is washing dishes

I go into my bathroom to finally take a shower for the first time in days

I never felt the motivation to get out of bed and do something but slump around
I wash the grease and sweat out of my scalp and wash my dirty body

I feel a weight lifted off of my shoulders when I put on clean clothes

Chris's hoodie, a pair of sweatpants and some comfy socks

I don't think I'll ever feel happy to wear anything that shows my body in one bit

I feel disgusted by my body

I'll always be the girl who was raped and there's nothing I can do to change that.

(Hey guys. This was a very real chapter because it's unfortunately a very common thing that happens to women, AND men. It did unfortunately happen to me. Just not the same way I portrait it in this chapter. I'm sorry if you've gone through this.

Thank you for 56 votes and 5k reads I really appreciate it)