After The Storm

Light On [III/III]

3.

He didn't care that it was unhealthy for him to be affected by that statement so much. He didn't care that technically speaking, that's all they were: friends. And he certainly didn't care that it was quite the progression from where they had been over the past four years.

A good friend?

Was that all Rodney thought of him?

'Of course it is, what were you expecting? That somehow after becoming friends again he'd fall in love with you and you'd just get your happily ever after? This is exactly why he broke up with you, Ryan. Even when you think you care about the person and that's it, you don't, not really; you actually just want something from them. Serves you right.'

He'd done his best to blink back the tears that had welled up as he processed the meaning of that statement, but when that had failed and he'd been rendered incapable of riding his bike to the apartment, he'd just settled down into the campus cafeteria.

Which was when he'd heard the news.

"-a stampede at one of the branches of the retail giants The Mart-"

To be precise, he hadn't heard all of it - his attention had only been drawn to the TV screen because of the words 'The Mart' - but one glimpse at the screen had filled in the blanks.

'Scores injured in stampede at The Mart.'

But even then, it didn't hit him immediately. It took him a few seconds to comprehend why it felt like this news was important to him, and then when it did-

The screen changed. 'University student in critical condition.'

His heart lurched. Rodney!

And the pit in his stomach only grew deeper when Rodney wasn't reachable. 'The number you are trying to call has been switched off.'

'Don't assume the worst, Ryan. You've always been a bit overdramatic, and nothing's going to happen to him. He'll be fine.'

But they were just words; words that did nothing to calm his hammering heart. It was unlikely that Rodney was the one person critically injured, but...what if? And what if Rodney had been injured at all? The bulletin had specified that 'scores' were injured...that would mean it was possible for Rodney to be hurt.

No.

This couldn't be happening.

Every single '...currently switched off...' was only sending him further over the edge, but he couldn't stop trying. He needed just one sliver of hope that he was fine, but even that was eluding him. What if something had happened to Rodney? What would he do then?

By the time he stumbled to Rodney's apartment's front door, he could barely see; his tears blinding him. If Rodney weren't alright, he'd die.

'I should have just told him I love him when I had the chance. What will I do now? And what about his family? And his hopes and dreams and...oh, God, his whole future! And mine? All these years, he hasn't been with me, but at least I've known he's there. And now-'

His thinking had become irrationally morbid and he realized it, but he couldn't stop the thoughts, either. Every time he tried to convince himself that he was overreacting, yet another memory with the other man presented itself and sent him bursting into tears again, because he'd heard that memories of someone only became more vivid when they were gone. And he didn't know how to counter that.

"Ryan, is that you?"

The first time, it felt like he was remembering the phone call he'd made using his mother's phone after their first fight.