¹ two people, kate martin

7. i just go mess it up

Scanning the room, it takes a few moments for me to see Kate. She's sitting at a table, scrolling through her phone with her coffee in front of her. Since she hasn't spotted me, I take the time to get my coffee (an iced caramel latte) before walking over to the table she's sitting at.

My legs feel like they could give out any second and I'm struggling not to drop my coffee because of my shaking hands. I take a deep breath as I place my cup on the table, making her look up at me. She stares at me like she can't believe I'm real. All I can think about is that none of this would be happening if we hadn't have lost touch.

"Freya," she says as if she's out of breath.

"Hi, Kate," I say softly, slipping my bag off of my shoulder as I sit down. I put the strap of the bag on my knee so I know where it's at the whole time.

She placed her phone face down on the table, "Uh, how- how are you?" she stammers, chewing on the inside of her lip. I see that hasn't changed, she always did that when she was nervous.

"I'm okay," I say. I could definitely be better, but I'm not going to say that to her, "How are you?"

Kate nods, "I'm good," she says. It's nice to see that she's good. I'm glad she is.

"Happy birthday," I tell her, giving her a smile. Her birthday was yesterday, "22, right?" I ask, already knowing the answer and she nods again.

"Thank you," she says, giving me a smile.

We go silent for a bit. I hate it. It's never been awkward between us, ever. I never thought it would be either. When we were younger, we could say anything to each other. We knew each other inside and out.

"Why'd you want me to come here, Kate?" I question. It helped break the silence and I wanted answers.

She glances down at her hands for a few seconds before looking back to me, "I wanted to talk to you. I didn't even know you went to school here. If I had known sooner, I would have reached out," she explains.

I nod, my arms crossed as I lean back in my chair. Surely, I'm coming off as mean, but I have no clue what else to do, "Can I ask you a question?" I ask and she nods, "Why'd you stop texting me? It was the day after I left and you just stopped talking to me."

Kate lets a sigh escape her lips as I sip my coffee, "I don't know what was going through my head at the time. I just figured that you were going to Los Angeles, your dad was a big director and producer, you probably didn't want to keep talking to some nobody from Illinois."

"Kate, you were my best friend. You weren't a nobody," I tell her.

She grabs her coffee cup, the drink halfway gone, "I just figured you were going to make better friends," Kate said. I can tell by the way she's looking at me that she regrets everything.

I didn't make any friends actually. I didn't have a best friend, I didn't have with anybody what I had with Kate. I had a boyfriend (which I hate to say now) in junior year, therefore, I was friends with his friends. Once we'd broken up, I was cut off from that group of people by May. During Senior year, I just didn't try. I focused on what I needed to, got my diploma, and got the fuck out of there.

"I made one friend and that was at one of my dad's award shows," I tell her, referring to Leah, "I spent sophomore year moping because I thought I did something wrong."

Kate shakes her head, "You didn't do anything wrong. I was just stupid."

"Yeah, you were," I reply quickly and it catches her off guard. I'm sure she wasn't expecting me to say that, but she needed to hear it.

She nods, "I'm sorry and I'm sure that doesn't do a lot right now, but I mean it. I really fucking mean it, Freya," Kate says, her voice sincere.

"I believe you," I tell her, taking a deep breath, "Your reason was still pretty shitty," I say. Luckily, it makes her laugh just a little bit which brings a smile to my face.

We fall silent for a few moments, just looking each other. It felt good. Sure, I was still a little mad about it, but I'm glad we were able to talk about it.

"Can we start over?" she questions, "Be friends, act like we don't know anything about each other."

I wet my lips, "I don't know how much is still true, but I could never act like I don't know everything about you," I say, running my fingers along the condensation of my cup.

"Yeah, me too," she mumbles softly.

I sit up after a few moments, not knowing if I'm going to regret this or not, "We can be friends," I say. She smiles, a real, genuine smile. It's a smile I have missed so much, a smile I have been wanting to see in years. That smile always made me feel better, from the ages of five to fifteen, it was always comforting.

"I missed you," she says gently.

I nod, not knowing why I feel like crying, "I missed you too."

authors note
me & freya 🤝 in love with kate