A friendship is a bond forged in fire and strengthened through the crucible of Life and error. A friendship is something beyond measure, something closer than family, parallel to a lover.
Hayila was a sophomore bully when I met her, laughing as she smacked my arms and beat my sides in the theatre lobby while I asked her expressly to stop. I wouldn't find out until years later that it was mostly a movement of love, than malice. The girl had had a crush on me, and all the while I took her punches with a laugh and a wince, hoping one day she would grow out of it. She did.
Junior year and I actually sauntered the halls of high school with her. K, S, M, Hayila, and I, a luncheon squad for theatre amphitheater meals. Senior year and I was exhausted by her, but also enamored. Constantly one-upping me. Constantly trying to out-compete. Constant belittling. But also laughter and joy and Burger King stops and art club days. Yes, she took my side against my ex, but only because she hated him, and only because she needed a reason to swing a verbal punch or two his way. Yes, she also made me smile. And then she made me second best to everyone. And then she told my secrets. And then she bullied me out of my friend group. And then. And then.
I thought I was a good friend. I thought I was enough. Three years into college and through an abusive relationship and she was there from afar. We both wanted to go to UCF. She got in early, struggled, had to drop out for a year after not getting into one of the animation programs. I got into UCF, stayed in, stuck it out through the struggle, and thrived in the Game Design program. Both artists, two different paths to our goals. But then the bitterness set in. I was there, at her dream school, with her friends and mine, hanging out while she was hours away. She got depressed from it. I felt bad, guilty, ashamed. But then the online bullying started. Then, the alienation. Then, she manipulated them all. They all blocked me with no explanation one day, and she never told me why. She never told me why. Never told me why. Why? What did I do?
A friendship is a bond forged in fire and strengthened through the crucible of Life and error. But what error did I commit so foul that I was the one abandoned, instead of the girl who started off our bond by kicking my shins? A friendship is something beyond measure. A lover.
