With Love

First Love

TRIGGER WARNINGS: a bullying scene, self-deprecation and body image issues

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In some way, children were cruel.

They speak their mind to others without considering any of their feelings. Sometimes they overstepped an invisible boundary and say something mean to their friends, and when the recipient became rightfully upset, they do not apologize. Perhaps out of pride or embarrassment, secretly hoping that their friend will eventually "get over it".

But (Name) learned, that even though her peers always had became more loose-lipped behind her back, adults were more cruel than any children.

They dismiss children's concerns and complaints, merely looking down on them from their position of power. And their mindset had always been unfair, unable to be changed, no matter how many times (Name) tries to speak her mind.

The one instance that she tried was her last time in doing so. It had took everything in her power to even confide in an adult.

"Sensei ... ▇▇▇ has been calling me names."

Instead of comforting her, or promising her that he would discipline her bully for his behaviour, her teacher had merely waved it off.

"(L/N), he is just teasing you. It's what boys do at this age; they pick on girls like you to show their feelings."

Even at 11 years-old, (Name) knew better than to trust the words of her teacher. After all, in what possible world could a boy do these things to her out of love? She had felt that it was merely a justification.

And worst of all, her teacher had not bothered to say more. He had merely looked bored, as if he was waiting for her to leave him alone.

She tried to argue, but it had came out meek, "But ... But he's bullying me! And he's always making fun of me, and -"

The teacher, unaffected by her statement, sighed, "You need to grow up​​​​​​, (Name). It's normal for boys to do this. Plus," he lazily examined her figure, and the action made her sick, "You can easily overpower him. You don't need to complain."

(Name) wanted to argue - 'Why do I have to use violence?' - but she doesn't know how to voice this. Instead, she let her mouth fall, no sound forming.

And so, she clammed up. She retreated into her shell, unable to say what she wants or what problem she was facing. It's not like her teachers had cared, they had merely took her quiet personality as a positive: that she would be undisruptive in class, because all her teachers only cared about was academic achievements.

The bullying, aside from the mean-spirited marks and mocking whispers, had sometimes ventured far worst than that.

As (Name) sat alone in the classroom, she pondered to herself: What is it that she had done wrong? Why is it that she always had been the victim to ▇▇▇ 's antics?

After she enrolled in elementary school, it seemed as if (Name) had been a target for the whole school. Even though it was only ▇▇▇ and his gang, she felt self-conscious that eventually, his words will start to spread. And (Name) had already despised - no, loathed - the twisted obsession her bullies had with her.