how to never stop being sad [bakudeku oneshot]

repeat to yourself that he's not really gone

It was July 15th. The day Katsuki had celebrated annually for his entire life: Izuku's birthday.

He walked through the downpour with the bouquet of flowers in his hand.

Of course it had to rain today.

Katsuki Bakugou had always hated the rain. It didn't match well with his Quirk. More than that, it reminded him of someone he sometimes wished he could forget.

Izuku Midoriya loved the rain. He'd found the sound of it pattering against glass to be soothing. He could reminisce on the times he'd dragged Katsuki out into the rain to splash around when they were little kids. Before things fell apart.

Katsuki liked the rain then, too. But only when he was with Izuku.

He didn't truly like anything that wasn't Izuku.

He kicked a rock out of his path.

A pebble in the road...no, he was always more than that.

He frequently visited Izuku, but never at any time in particular. Some months he'd go only once a week, and some he'd go every day. Especially if he couldn't sleep.

That is, unless it was July 15th. He hadn't missed the visit on that day in over a decade.

Katsuki had long stopped caring about getting wet, but he made sure the flowers were protected in their plastic wrapping. They couldn't get ruined before Izuku received them.

The blonde spotted some daisies growing alongside the path. He remembered.

He and Izuku had been about four, laying in the meadow as they chatted excitedly about what Quirks they hoped they would get.

"Well, whatever they are, we'll become heroes no matter what!" Katsuki exclaimed.

"Yeah, together! We'll be a team!" Izuku said back.

Katsuki laughed dryly to himself at the memory.

He had become a hero–#1, just like he'd always wanted. At the age of 20, he'd become the youngest top hero Japan had ever seen. He was amazing.

And yet...

The job was a nightmare.

Katsuki hated dealing with paparazzi and branding, but since his angry persona was loved by the people, he was forced to spend half of his time doing modeling and interviews. Sometimes he scoffed at the fact he could actually be called a hero, considering he only ended up solving a dozen or so cases a day.

Maybe if...

He shook his head before he could think of it.

He hadn't even realized he'd reached his destination.

Maybe if we'd become heroes together, it wouldn't be like this.

"Hey, Izuku," He said, taking a seat.

"I bought these flowers for you. They're tiger lilies, your favorite."

He replaced the old flowers from a few weeks prior and ran his fingers across the engraving in the concrete.

Izuku Midoriya

Beloved son

Aged 14

Katsuki didn't usually cry when he visited Izuku's grave.

Usually.

A few tears slid down his cheeks. He always struggled the most on Izuku's birthday.

"I'm kinda glad you never got to be a hero. I mean, really, it's not so great. It's like you're isolated away from everyone else, just 'cause you save people. It's lonely," The blonde spoke in a soft tone that didn't suit him–one only Izuku got to hear.