While You Are Alone

Prologue

I was driving back home with my friend/coworker Mina when I noticed the purple pink skies, which reminded me of someone....of something.

I've been living independently for the past few years, and while loneliness has sometimes swallowed me, I believe that it is preferable than having to deal with numerous people who frequently drain my energy.

They were right when they said that the only constant in this world is change, and as I reflect on the past, I can't help but see that, aside from my physical appearance, I have gone through a lot of change. And the reason I stated it is because I once believed that my circumstances would remain unchanged.

Pagkadating ko sa aking apartment agad akong dumeretsyo sa opisina ko at ayusin ang mga gamit na dala ko, pagkatapos ay pumunta na ako sa bathroom para maligo at makapag palit ng damit. Habang si Mina ay inasikaso na niya ang sarili niya dahil feel at home naman siya lagi.

As I've clean myself in the shower I can't help but think what I've reminisce earlier in my car, pero agad kong winala sa isip ko 'yon dahil tingin ko kapag tapos na hindi na dapat binabalikan at kung wala ka ng control para baguhin pa, why give a damn care?

I finished my usual routine and was now on my apartment's balcony with Mina, sipping a glass of wine and staring at the skyscraper, while Mina is working something on my laptop and can't stop talking about some random stuff.

"Mhiema! Ang sabi niya pa bet niya lang daw ang one night stand pero not up for commitment, imagine nag sayang lang ako ng time, kagigil!" She said with full of exaggeration.

"Malandi ka kasi" sagot ko.

"Ay true! Pero anyway tara mag Japan tayo?" She asked.

I just stared at her, not responding until she went from one topic to another, not until she mentioned something about my past na iniiwasan ko.

"Ay mhie! Na open ko pala yung old account mo sa Notion, hindi ko ginamit yung business email mo kaya yung isa nalang yung @claudsspace hindi ko ma imagine na ganito ka ka chessy noon lik—"

"Wait! Na open mo?!" Tanong ko.

Hindi naman ako nagulat na pakekealaman niya yung gamit ko dahil gano'n naman talaga siya at nasanay na ako ang kinagulat ko lang ay nag e-exist pa pala ang old account ko.

"Bingi ka girl? Oo nga 'di ba! Nasaan na kaya si Dwight noh, saka ano nga p—"

She stopped talking nang agawin ko sakaniya ang laptop at nag scroll sa dati kong Notion.

I still can't believe na ginawa ko ang mga 'to noong 18 ako, because at that age doon ko lang talaga naintindihan yung life is short bakit hindi mo piliing maging masaya lalo na that time I feel like sobrang tanda ko na and I need to do a lot of things kaya rin nagawa ko ang mga bagay na 'to. Para sa mga nakakakilala sa'kin iisipin nila na ako ang last person na gagawa ng mga ka-chessyhan na letters also they don't even believe that I was obsessed with color pink.

My notion name is Claud's Space and naka organize with label, I have; wishlist, things to do before the year ends, reading list, digital diary and etc.

I closed my laptop and put it on the table infront of me.

"Just forget it" I said and continued with my thing.

But Mina being Mina, she grab my laptop again, open it and read those cheesy and cringe things that I've said when I was a teen.

"Dear A, the sun is setting and the purple pink sky in front of me is as beautiful as the man besides me driving a mustang, and his name begins with D, which means Dwight. He picked me up from school, brought me flowers, got a Matcha (my favorite drink), and treated me like I deserved it. I'm at ease, even though I've been falling apart because of the problems I've been dealing with for the past few weeks. You know what angel I think you sent me because you know how fragile I am, and it feels so nice to have someone who understands me, som—"